A Scarlet Woman
by x-MJ-x
Summary: "He stepped forward and he smelt that familiar scent in the air, the smell of smoke, the smell of contraband smoke and he couldn't help the smile which crept onto his face as they stood together, about to embark on a journey to the past"
1. A New Life

**Hey lovely people, **

**It's just little old me again. There's not really a lot to say about this one. I was watching a mind numbingly dull film last night and in the process started to consider more interesting facets of my imaginative spectrum, naturally therefore my thoughts turned to our favourite brunette couple. Without any long rambling notes I should say that this written in a completely alternative universe (its AU I guess) so I hope you enjoy it. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots they belong to CBS and affiliated organisations so all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**I hope you enjoy this please feel free to let me know what you think! **

**P.S – this was supposed to be a quick fire one shot in order to offer me a bit of escape but it quickly spiralled as is on the case so I decided to break it up and post it as a little multi-chaptered story – it is essentially done, just adding the final touches so I'm going to post up all the parts in quick succession. I know I should wait for reviews yada, yada but my first aim is always the enjoyment factor. Of course reviews are always appreciated and do make me incredibly happy, so if you feel inspired please do leave me a little note. **

**Also I got inspired by Nathinel Hawthorne's _The Scarlet Letter _so that features in this as a bit of a motif. **

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><p><em>~ "The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you." ~ Anonymous. <em>

"Hey pretty lady; we missed you over at _Quan-tee- co. _You_ do _remember us don't you?" Penelope Garcia asked her old friend as she embraced her, her arms engulfing the brunette's slender figure.

"Of course I do, you know I love you guys... it's just..." She paused, struggling for the words as she drew back and took a good look at her blonde friend. "Harder these days I guess." She completed the thought after a moment, the universal truth of her words falling heavily around her.

"The BAU is always going to be there Emily." Penelope told her, her tone sad.

She didn't know how to respond to that, it was true of course but there was a looming and unspoken truth which stopped her from returning even just for a visit – the thought that if she went back she would stay because life now just wasn't the same.

"PG... you know I miss the BAU but..." She made to continue but something, someone stopped her.

A voice she had so easily fallen in love with. A timbre she could get lost in which held the ability to captivate her mind and make her believe every word it spoke – a voice she now loathed. A voice which had in six short months managed to make her forget everything she had liked about her old independent life and become completely absorbed with listening to the sweet nothings that its musical tone whispered so easily into her ear.

At first the man to whom that rich velvety voice belonged inspired all kinds of exciting feelings within her – she had finally found the one thing she felt like she had spent her whole life searching for – a man who loved her and whom she could so easily love. A man who never put her second and was not afraid use those four little letters to make that one important word – she was his number one, for once she had become someone's priority and it had felt so good. But now in another state and another life she was beginning to resent the man she was supposed to love.

"She misses you but she doesn't need the BAU anymore. She has a new life now; _we_ have a new life now right honey?" Stephen spoke from behind her, his arm wrapping around her shoulders possessively.

"Right." Her smile was tight and didn't reach her eyes but it was just another part of her half life now.

"I see that. Lovely ring, great outfits, beautiful house out here in Westchester and a wonderful husband of course. You have the good life here. You don't need us anymore do you?" Penelope replied sadly retreating across the room to find the rest of the BAU team who had flown here especially for this night and who now seemed obsolete in their friend's life.

"See? That wasn't so hard was it baby?" Stephen asked, brushing a light kiss into her hairline and giving her a squeeze before releasing her.

The moment he was gone she felt herself breath a slight sigh of relief. "Maybe not for you." She sighed looking wistfully towards her friends.

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><p><strong>I hope you like this, as I said expect the next part very soon, I'm chopping it up as we speak so look out... <strong>

**Thanks for reading, I hope I caught all the edits if not please forgive me :)**

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X **_


	2. The Pursuit of Happiness

**It's me again, I hope you enjoyed the first part of this and that your curiosity was inspired. Here's the second part of this, I hope you enjoy it. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

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><p><em>~ "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be". ~Abraham Lincoln.<em>

She looked happy. Everyone said so. This was after all supposed to be an event celebrating her eternal happiness.

'_Stephen Jones invites you to celebrate a year of marriage to his beautiful wife Emily.'_

Hell, even the invitation with its rose plated calligraphy had oozed happiness and so far he could only see evidence to support this hypothesis. She looked radiant, but then that wasn't hard – she had the ability to light up a room whatever the occasion – right now she was luminescent, working the room with an easy kind of confidence, proving herself to be quite the _social butterfly _and he was pleased for her. He was glad that she had found something that made her happy, that she had found love but he couldn't help but feel the niggling ebb of something quite unsettling. _Jealousy. _

He had no right to be. His own state of restless and solitary wandering had absolutely nothing to do with her. He had no one to blame but himself. He had had plenty of opportunities to find a happiness like she had achieved and he had let them all go – blaming his grief or his responsibilities with Jack or his commitment to work and he had ended up alone and lonely whilst some other man – a worthy adversary – had made the dreams of the woman he had always secretly held a torch for, come true.

He continued to watch her from the slightly shadowy corner of the drawing room in which this party was being held, clutching perhaps a little too tightly, the crystal champagne flute which had come as part of the set he had purchased for them in preparation for their wedding a year ago today and hardly noticing that seconds turned to minutes which turned to hours as he honed in on her.

He couldn't say that he was solely mesmerised by her. Of course, her beauty was a huge draw for anyone in the room. With her en vogue scarlet cocktail dress and perfectly painted on red smile she was the envy of all the fashionable women at this party and Stephen was undoubtedly the envy of all the men in the room. They wondered, as he did, exactly what this wall-street banker had that they didn't. The truth was very simple. Her heart. The most precious thing in the world. Nevertheless, there were reasons for his engagement in the activity of studying the way she moved, the way she smiled, the sound of her laugh and the casual way in which she interacted with all of her Westchester friends whilst failing to notice that her old friends, the people who loved her for more than her ability to keep up with the latest fashions or be the accessory to her husband's success, had been dying all night. They had finally admitted defeat and had all slinked off back to their hotel somewhere around the time of the fourth toast to _health, wealth and happiness. _His reason for watching her so intently was not simply an innocent admiration of her stature as the focus of this party or even as the beautiful woman she undeniably was, there were far more complicated explanations for his incessant observations...

Aaron Hotchner remained here in attendance at a party he neither fitted into nor felt welcomed at because his curiosity had been inspired. The minute he had laid eyes on her again, the first time since Rossi's birthday bash three months ago – one day in the year she had been away when she had seemed exactly like the Emily they all knew, outside of the influence of Stephen – he had been captivated by the hundreds of subtle ways she seemed to have changed. It wasn't so much a change in physical terms, not even in her mannerisms per se it was just that she didn't quite seem herself.

She seemed to be dependent on Stephen for everything. The ability to talk with any confidence to the people who surrounded her, the ability to move and circulate and mingle within this gathering and in some ways to breathe. He seemed to be like her life support and this did not reflect the strong, independent woman she had been a little over a year ago. She seemed to take all of her cues from him – who to talk to, when to talk, what to say, who to stand next to, how loudly she should laugh and it was a combination of these factors which made him wonder how genuine her happiness was.

He supposed that it was his skill as a profiler which drove him to notice the little things - the way she drew in a breath and held in all of that tension every time Stephen's fingers brushed the back of her neck or the way her laugh seemed over emphasised every now and then. But what made him most uncomfortable was the way that every time she took a step away from him, Stephen would find a way to re-establish a connection with her – little things, brushing their fingers together, holding her waist a little too tightly or running his hand along the plane of her lower abdomen. To any average onlooker, one of Emily's new friends for example these little things would seem like gestures of love, but to him they seemed a step beyond the doting actions of an affectionate husband and more the self-conscious and over-obsessive actions of someone who was terrified of losing his wife... He had to wonder why the other man, the one who had clearly one her heart, would have any reason to worry about that... The more he watched he watched her, the more he watched them, the more he began to be convinced that their perfect life was a veneer covering up any number of problems... He had to know what they were, he had to help her – it suddenly seemed like his life's work to be her hero...

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><p><strong>There it is. I hope you enjoyed it and will let me know what you thought of it. The next part will be coming shortly. Hopefully I caught all the edits, if not please forgive me<strong>

**Thanks for reading, **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	3. Trapped

**Here's part three, from the perspective of our favourite ass-kicking SSA. I'm sorry if I'm not really explaining anything at the moment there is a reason and everything should become clear in the next couple of parts. I hope you enjoy this one. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics.**

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><p>~"<em>One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses."~ Henry Miller. <em>

She had to get out of here. The air was stifling and the party was overwhelming. They were happy, she got the message. She understood that everything Stephen was trying to do for her tonight was to try to repair some of those small differences which had started to creep in and make their presence known. Most recently the problems had come in those small moments they spent together – the moments of silence after they made love, the cold mornings when he would hold her close and they pretended not to notice the distance which was always there. The wedge between them this week was the big one... the huge one... the future.

He had already convinced her that she didn't need to work anymore, she already rattled around this huge house like the shadow of the woman she had once been and now he was trying to convince her that she had to be the stay at home Mommy. She would do anything for him including, apparently, selling out on her friends...But as much as she had always wanted children she just didn't know if she was ready for that commitment with her husband yet. She loved him, she did and she was happy in her marriage, it was just that she had never imagined being the 'little wife'. She had always enjoyed working, feeling like she was making a difference – helping, but right now she wasn't doing any of those things. She was sitting here in this fairytale life in New York with everything a woman could ever want and a man who loved her more than words could express and still she felt like she was missing something or rather that someone was missing...

She was aware of his presence and had been all night, though in actuality she had not spoken more than a simple "hello" to him. She had felt the intensity of his gaze, had known that his dark eyes had been on her all night – watching her from the periphery of this party and still she hadn't had the ability or the courage to leave Stephen's side and speak to him. Right now she felt naked and exposed and she knew that it was not because he was watching her, but rather because she could no longer feel him. She wondered exactly when he had left and why he hadn't thought to say goodbye...

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><p>As she leaned into Stephen, whispering some half-hearted excuse to absent herself, the realisation hit her – she was completely alone in this sea of people, all of her friends were gone and it was her fault...<p>

She stalked out of the drawing room determinedly not even noticing the pair of dark eyes which focused on her as she made her way towards the one room which would offer her salvation, as she strove to find the thing that would offer her solace at a time like this...

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><p><strong>Ok so there it is, I hope you enjoyed it and will let me know what you thought of it. Hopefully I caught all the edits, if not please forgive me. <strong>

**Thanks for reading, **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	4. Retracing Our Steps

**I'm sorry if these parts seem a little on the short side... well actually I won't apologise, the point of these deliberately small sections is to build the suspense so I hope you understand why I'm doing things this way... This one is from the perspective of our favourite SSAIC and brings us a little bit closer to the main events of this story and goes some way towards instigating the 'M' rating... **

**I hope you like it. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, it's characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics...**

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><p><em>~"Perhaps I am doomed to retrace my steps under the illusion that I am exploring, doomed to try and learn what I should simply recognize, learning a mere fraction of what I have forgotten". ~ <em>_Andre Breton __  
><em>_  
><em>

He shouldn't have still been here roaming around the house the way he was but when he had seen her leave the room he had been overcome with curiosity and his legs had lead him from the party as if by instinct, tentatively tracing her steps and following her to her seclusion.

He didn't know what it was about her but ever since they had first met she had held a strange power over him which try as he might, he simply couldn't escape. Sure he had chosen Hayley and had stayed faithful to her throughout the years of their less than perfect marriage but Emily Prentiss had always been there. A niggling presence who seemed to taunt him when he had sex with his wife or when he played with his son on a Sunday morning. Perhaps more potently however, she had provided temptation every day for over five years with her little red wraparound dress and her alluring smile and he had never quite gotten over that strange electric-shock feeling he got every time she was in the room. Tonight had been no exception and now he had to check on her, he had to see for himself if the happy little world she was working so hard to create existed in any place other than the imaginations of her new friends.

As he stepped through the door of the ornate room off the main corridor, noticing the tiny flicker of light at the end of the room he was thrown back in time to a moment not dissimilar to this but reaching into long forgotten recesses of a memory from more than twenty years ago...

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><p><strong>Are you starting to see where I'm going with this? I hope you liked and will let me know what you thought. I hope I caught all the edits, if not please forgive me. <strong>

**Love**

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	5. Old Habits

**Here's the next part, I hope you like the story so far, I'm working through splitting this up and then I'm going to finish the M section. Hopefully by the end of tonight the whole story will be up. The only reason I'm doing it like this is because I think that the nature of the story facilitates multiple chapters. Bear with me, this is the last 'little' chapter from now on the chapters become longer and more rich in content, particularly as we start to move away from the singular viewpoints of one character then the other and have a bit (more than a bit) of H/P interaction. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. Additionally I would like to say that the excerpt from **_**The Scarlet Letter **_**used here belongs to Nathaniel Hawthorne and I only borrowed it here because for some reason it's been playing on my mind and I felt like it fit it with what I'm trying to do with this story. Credit where its due. **

**I hope you enjoy this one...**

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><p><em>~ "Old habits die hard"~ English Proverb.<em>

Her fingers shook as she lit the cigarette, her first in twenty two years – or at least the first she would admit to. She knew she shouldn't be resorting to this somewhat desperate measure – but that was exactly it. She wouldn't be doing this is she wasn't desperate. Desperate to maintain some control over this fallacy, over the way things were moving so quickly and most importantly over herself. She drew the white stick to her mouth inhaling deeply and feeling the immediate comfort of that intoxicating headiness she hadn't realised she had missed. She exhaled, quickly taking another puff in an attempt to steady her nerves.

As she rediscovered this familiar and comforting pattern of inhale-and-exhalation she turned towards one of the many shelves which surrounded her, her hands ghosting over numerous financial volumes and reaching between two journals in which could be found articles written by _Stephen Jones_ until they closed around a battered copy of book she had once loved, just another one of her twenty two year old comforts. She turned it over in her hands feeling the creases in the cover and remembering how each and every one was created. In the half light she opened it flicking through the yellowing pages until she found the passage she had poured over a thousand times before:

"_Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart! Else it may be their miserable fortune, when some mightier touch than their own may have awakened all her sensibilities, to be reproached even for the calm content, the marble image of happiness, which they will have imposed upon her as the warm reality"._

As she finished reading it she couldn't help but think of the pertinence of the passage to her situation right now. _The Scarlet Letter_ had always had a strange sort of significance for her, not least because it always seemed to be there when she needed it and tonight was no exception. Right now it was telling her the truth she couldn't admit to herself – that there was someone else who excited the true passions of her heart. She knew what those passions were and more importantly she knew who the other person was. As she considered this she felt the first prickling of tears beginning to form in her eyes. She was trapped and tonight she had lost her last opportunity to claim back the life she had lost...

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><p><strong>Ok so now I think it's time for HP to work some of this stuff out right? Next part coming very soon. I hope you're enjoying this and will let me know what you think of it. I hope I caught the edits, if not please forgive me. **

**Love, **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	6. A World of Regret

**So here's the next part, slightly longer and probably a lot more like what you're used to from me. We're getting down to the H/P element now... I hope you enjoy this one. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics.**

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><p><em>~ "All the world's a stage"~ William Shakespeare. <em>

He heard her crying and immediately he knew that her carefully constructed veneer of happiness had cracked and what was left was the truth – that this life and, he dared to hope, the man she purported to love did not bring her happiness. He had never liked to see her cry but tonight he found the sound of her soft but rapid sobs particularly disconcerting, not least because this time he knew the cause of them.

He moved quickly past the numerous shelves probably filled with countless tomes which were deemed appropriate to keep in a library out here in Westchester but which would never be read nor even opened by a living soul, until he was standing two shelves away from her, watching – waiting for an opportune moment,_ the_ opportune moment to announce his presence. If she turned now and saw him watching her in this voyeuristic way all Hell would break loose. He understood of course, how much she had hated it all those years ago and knowing her as he did in her adulthood, he recognised that she liked her privacy and did not appreciate sneakiness. This was one of the many things which had not changed about her. He shouldn't have been here after all, he was the one violating her private space and he felt the need to rectify this... Not least because right now he couldn't bear the thought that she felt alone.

He stepped forward so that he was almost level with her back and he smelt that familiar scent in the air, the smell of smoke, the smell of _contraband_ smoke and he couldn't help the smile which crept onto his face as they stood together, one completely unaware of the other's presence whilst the other was all too aware that they were about to embark upon a journey to the past...

He did not reach out for her, though in that moment to touch her was his greatest wish. Instead he spoke, clearing his throat as he did so. _"Should you really be doing that?" _His tone was the exact mimesis of what it had been then and just like that he felt like he was right back in this moment as it had originally been played out in a library not dissimilar to this one on the night of an equally well acted celebration...

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><p>If she was surprised by his sudden appearance into her reverie, she did not show it. Instead, as she had done then, she rested her head over her shoulder looking back at him with a mischievous glint in her eye before replying, "What are you? My keeper?" She turned towards him then, the cigarette burning out in the tense air between them and falling to the ground, forgotten.<p>

It would have been so easy to go along with the role-play they had mutually enacted, he knew all the lines after all – had lived this moment as it had happened twenty two years ago when they had both been so different and yet so strangely similar but he couldn't find it in his heart to make light of the situation. He knew that if she had resorted to cigarettes then things must be bad, it didn't take a genius to deduce that much. Instead all he wanted to do was check that she was alright.

She waited for him to show her that he knew where she was going with this, what she wanted from him. It would be easy. Clearly he recalled this moment as well as she did, he wouldn't have resurrected it if not and yet he remained silent, his worn brow furrowed in concern. Concern she didn't need right now. All she wanted from him was a little escape – into the past when however complicated things had been in reality, the library had offered a moment's fictional and hopeful reprieve. Here, like the characters she so adored, she could be anybody she wanted to be and right now he was preventing her from revisiting an old and very realistic fantasy life.

She willed him to say the words, all of her energies going into the task of procuring the words from his lips and hearing them spoken in his gravelly baritone once more. She squeezed her eyes shut; concentrating harder than she had on anything in her life until she was sure she heard them, those elusive words...

"_When your mother wishes me to be." _

Of course the real Aaron Hotchner, his present self at least, had stayed completely silent, his eyes filled with sentiments so completely incomprehensible she didn't even want to think about where to begin in terms of decoding the mess that was everything between them.

She sighed heavily, wondering if she even wanted to go there with this. Things were bad enough with Stephen as they were right now; if she added this man and their... history into the mix she'd be divorced by the end of the week for sure. At first the idea abhorred her, but the more she looked into those frustratingly complex eyes the more appealing it became.

"You're right of course." She replied her voice coarse from the smoke and just for a moment neither of them was sure which version of her stood in the library. It was the exact same reply she had given him then but there was a certain sense of sadness in her tone which had not been there twenty two years ago.

She took a small step closer to him and he became overwhelmed by that familiar scent which had haunted his dreams for years after a life changing night almost exactly like this one all those years ago. It was something he would always associate with being uniquely her, just _Emily – _something she had unfortunately lost in the years he had known her professionally after her decision to kick the habit of her youth, but something which was no less powerful in terms of controlling his responses and stirring up long denied feelings. He didn't know quite what to say. Anything he could possibly utter now would seem ridiculous since they had both changed so much, but there was just something about the way she was staring at him so intently as if waiting for him to say something which drove him to forget the boundaries created by the years which had passed or the choices they had made.

He knew what he wanted to say. It was the next line in the play – _"I've been asked to escort you back to your bedroom" – _perhaps the worst lie he'd ever told _but still it had elicited the beautiful grin he had been fantasising about for weeks_. He knew her reply_, a witty comment - clearly calling him out on his ill disguised come on_, he knew what would happen next_... She would gravitate towards him, his hand would rest upon her slender waist and she'd whisper something about him owing her a birthday present and..._

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><p>His fingers went to the knot in the tie he wore and he loosened it under her ever watchful gaze, the action producing a small and genuine giggle from her. He was too close for comfort, this much he knew and he shifted slightly uncomfortably from foot to foot in an attempt to create some discrete distance between them. She acknowledged his motion with a slightly curious tip of her head which would have ordinarily been followed through by sarcastic comment but instead she stayed silent, highlighting a marked difference between the girl she had been and the woman she had become. He flicked his eyes away from hers momentarily, noticing the book she clutched in her hand with a wry smile.<p>

"Still reading that?" He tipped his head to indicate his meaning and her fingers adjusted on the volume as she became conscious that he was still ready to scrutinise her choice of literature, nothing had changed there then...

"Guess I'll never learn huh?" She asked and again her double meaning was clear.

He didn't know what to say. Again he felt that awkwardness settle between them, he guessed he should have expected it to resurface some day. He should have only been grateful that it had never really affected their ability to work together.

"He'll find out you know." She whispered and he felt an uncomfortable surge of panic run through his veins.

"Not about... _that_... I meant the smoking... he'll know...later when he... when we..." She murmured not needing to finish her sentence to convey her meaning but looking up at him with those same frightened eyes she had shown him when he had busted her for smoking in her mother's library.

"Does he hurt you?" The question came out as a growl, barely audible but ferocious in intent.

"No... God no... Not at all." She was insistent but her tone implied that there was something she was holding back.

"But?" He prompted but she wouldn't continue so he went on "Things are really that bad?" He asked stepping instinctively closer to her again.

She turned her head away from him but in the half light of the library he could see the silent tears she cried beginning to fall. She brushed them away with the backs of her hands, but her efforts were unsuccessful, each time she staved off one bout a new torrent would fall and despite herself and everything she knew which stopped her from following through on the action, her greatest wish in that moment was to bury her head in his shoulder and let him soothe away her pain. But she wouldn't. She had surrendered to a moment of weakness almost exactly like this twenty two years ago and she had almost lost everything...

"Emily?" He prompted again, his fingers brushing against her cheek lightly.

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><p>"Tell me <em>Aaron... <em>Did you ever want something so much that you would have done anything to have it... hurt anyone? Lose_ everything_? Did you ever make a choice which felt so _right_ but a week, two... a month... Hell a _year_ later you woke up and realised that happiness like that, like you had with that thing that you wanted _so_ much was superficial...Do you know what it's like to wake up and realise that you hate yourself more than anyone else ever could and that you despise the thing you wanted more than you thought was ever possible?" Her questions were quick, fiery and designed for one purpose. Somewhere in the middle of her speech her head had snapped around and she had stared him down making it clear that every word she spoke was meant for him, or least to produce some sort of response from him.

As he looked at her now, her eyes blazing with anger, sadness and even if he was not very much mistaken hatred and the shining tracks of her tears glistening on her skin, he had never seen her look more beautiful – his heart had never been filled with more regret.

He was as close to her now as it was physically possible to be and yet it still didn't seem like any proximity would be enough to heal the wounds he had inflicted so long ago, wounds which apparently had never healed...

"Yes." He whispered honestly, his memory racing back to the moment when he had broken her heart... and his own... He had made the wrong choice...

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><p><strong>Well... it seems that Hotch has been a 'naughty boy' does it? Shall we find out what happened? I hope I caught all the edits but if I didn't please forgive me. <strong>

**Thanks for reading, **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	7. A Scarlet Woman

**So now I think it's time to explain just how naughty Hotch was... I hope you enjoy this one and will let me know what you thought. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, it plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. Also the quotation used here is taken from **_**The Scarlet Letter, **_**so credit where it's due.**

**P.S - this one flits between past (represented here in italics) and present (normal type just FYI)**

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><p><em>~"Ah, but let her cover the mark as she will, the pang of it will be always in her heart...But this had been a sin of passion, not of principle, nor even purpose" ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne.<em>

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><p>"<em>Your wife?" At first it seemed as if she had been shocked into a state of numbness, something he could not fathom. Was she accepting this- telling him in her own way that she had seen the past three days as something casual after all? Or did her recent silence symbolise something much darker and more dangerous? <em>

_He hardly dared to think but as he watched her leave his bed as if it was on fire, he knew his initial observations had been a tad optimistic. She was like Hell-fire itself, simultaneously hurrying to redress herself and strip his sheets from the bed. Her fury was silent but that made it more terrifying and terrible. If she had screamed and shouted, if she had reacted physically even he would have known what to say but in this silence his excuses sounded feeble. _

_He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was even now, even this angry she was stunning. She was the epitome of 'the scarlet woman' – representative of every temptation known to man – as she stepped into her bright red sundress and attempted almost in vain to re-fasten the zipper. She stepped into her shoes and gathered her denim jacket wordlessly, only showing that his revelation had affected her by throwing the pile of sheets at his feet. _

_He couldn't say he was surprised exactly, it was just that in the short weeks he had known her and the three days they had spent together he had realised that she was not afraid to voice her opinions on subjects which she felt strongly about. He almost took her silence on the subject of his dual infidelity to her (after all she had believed him to be single and interested only in her) and to his wife as something of an insult. He wanted to ask her why he wasn't important enough for her comment but he refrained, knowing that to view himself in any positive light or to try to justify his actions by her seductive and overtly sexual nature was just plain wrong of him and unfair. She was a smart girl and she deserved way better than him. Similarly Hayley, his wife was sweet and good natured and had loved him through the complicated and awkwardly inept persona that had been his college- self and she did not deserve this betrayal. _

_He supposed it was this realisation on this, the third morning of his adulterous affair with Emily Prentiss which had made him tell the brunette about his wife. He knew what he was doing was wrong, that what he had with Haley transcended the physical aspects of life. He understood that the years they had both invested in their relationship and ultimately the vows they had taken two years ago meant more than this three day thing he had going with a girl who was going back to her Ivy-League world come fall. That didn't mean that this didn't hurt, that didn't mean that he didn't realise he was losing a good thing – it just meant that he saw this as a digression at the end of his employment with the Ambassador, something which was perfect for the short time it had lasted but something which was seemingly created out of something tangibly magical – not made to last in the real world like he and Hayley were. This of course was in no way an adequate justification of his actions just as blaming the younger woman for his transgression into ill-faith was but he knew, or at least the pragmatist in him did, that this was the right decision. _

_He had become lost in his thoughts so much so that he almost missed her leaving. As she reached the door however, she stopped turning to face him defiantly. _

"_How long?" She asked and he knew the nature of her question, she was trying to judge his reasoning for entering into an affair with her. _

"_Two years." He was too shame-faced to look her in the eye as the words left his lips. She knew he was twenty six. In fact they had had a mock birthday for him only last night and she had done some incredible things for him, to him... She was probably weighing all this up right now. That made it all worse somehow. She was probably thinking about how he would have spent his real birthday last Friday... in the arms of another woman... his wife... _

"_Oh Hell no. I was 'experiment girl'?" She asked sadly. _

"_What?" He asked in confusion as he moved towards her but she stepped back by instinct creating distance between them. _

"_Every guy your age has one at the two year mark. Everyone knows that. I'll bet even your wife knows that, I'll bet she's smelt my perfume on your skin and wondered what I look like... what I have that she doesn't... wondering how long it'll be until I'm asking that question about her... Guess the last laugh's on her right? Look at me now... Asking about the other woman... only she's not 'the other woman'... she's you're WIFE!" This was the first real sign of her anger but he knew that she had the right to be and that every she said was right. This was an impossible situation... _

"_Is she beautiful... your wife?"_

"_Yes." He could not lie, it would be a cruel injustice to say that the only reason he was with Emily now was that she was more beautiful than his wife – he had to admit to the problems which existed in his marriage which had caused his head to be turned. _

"_Does she love you?" _

"_Yes." He knew she did, that admission to himself only cemented his decision. _

"_Does she have a name?" _

_An obvious question with an obvious answer. "Haley." Saying her name made this real._

"_Haley Hotchner... Kind of cute." She murmured looking around the neutral bedroom noticing the bare picture hanger on the wall and suddenly realising how stupid she had been. _

"_Her photograph hangs there right?" She pointed towards the hook. _

"_Ours. A wedding photograph." _

"_I see. So what you went around before I came and made this place 'Haley free' so you could screw my brains out 'guilt free'?" She sounded like she might cry, he hoped she didn't- that would be unbearable. _

"_It wasn't..." She cut him off before he could come up with another second rate excuse for a first class lady. _

"_What was it like then?" She anticipated his reply and when he was unable to answer she did not even blink an eye before giving him a steely "goodbye". It could almost have been any other goodbye she had given him since the beginning of their acquaintance, only this one was devoid of hope and filled with truth._

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><p>"I'm sorry." He told her, his hand lacing through hers and holding on tightly despite her efforts to break the contact.<p>

"Sorry? You broke my heart Aaron. You cheated... on Haley... but you cheated me – I thought..."

"I know. I'm sorry." He said again and she could sense his sincerity but that did not make the hurt she had felt then and it affects right now feel any less painful.

"Why'd you do it?" It was a question from her younger self, that the nineteen year old girl needed answering and one that Emily Prentiss... Emily _Jones _still did.

"I can't explain it. All I know was that Haley and I had been going through some stuff and there you were - her opposite, someone who demanded nothing of me I wasn't willing to give..." He trailed off for a moment knowing that it was pathetic.

"Except you heart." She deadpanned.

He paused and the silence became charged. This was where everything got complicated, this was why everything between them had never been cut and dry and had never ended – not properly. Haley had been his wife, that much had always been legally true but his heart had always been his to give as he pleased – the one thing that Haley had only ever had temporary lease over.

"You always had it. From that moment in your mother's library... You must have known... Don't you remember?" He asked, half begging the memory to resurface.

"Emily?"

He pulled her close then, despising the millimetres which separated them and letting his hands snake beneath the fabric of her red dress in much the same way as they had done all those years ago when she had been wearing the scarlet ball gown of her mother's choosing...

She gasped as the memory came flooding back...

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><p><strong>Well there it is... an explanation of what happened and the reasoning behind her hostility towards him – I guess now the question is what happened in the library that night? Find out in the next update very soon... <strong>

**Thanks for reading, hope I caught everything – you know the drill by now if not forgive me pretty please? **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	8. It Takes Two to Tango

**Thank you to **_**HP-Forever After**_** for your lovely reviews so far, I'm so glad that you're enjoying it. You actually inspired the title of this chapter with one of your comments, it fits well here - so thanks! So this is the crux of what happened between our favourite couple all those years ago in Ambassador Prentiss' library. Whilst there is no overt M rated content in this chapter, I think you'll get a sense that some naughtiness went on, not least because of the last chapter – the next one will have the M I promise. **

**I hope you enjoy this one. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics.**

**P.S: working on the assumption I set up in the previous chapter, this one is entirely set in the past.**

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><p><em>~"<em>_The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.__" ~ Emil Ludwig_

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><p>"<em>You've been very naughty haven't you Miss Prentiss?" He growled into the shell of her ear, "skipping out on your birthday celebrations, smoking, reading salacious literature, skulking in corners with men you hardly know... whatever would the ambassador say?" <em>

"_You'd never tell." _

"_How can you be sure?" His tone was testing. Although they both had an idea where this was going he needed to make sure they were on the same page. _

"_Well...You... You like me... don't you?" _

"_I do?" He added the tone of surprise though they both knew he was confirming the fact. _

"_Yes... You do and you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to me right? Like... oh I don't know... Banishment to a remote Island in the West Indies for example." She laughed a little but there was an undercurrent of seriousness he caught onto. _

"_Your mother would really do that?" He asked, doubting this truth for a moment. _

"_Hmm maybe she'd show a little mercy but between you and me... let's just say I don't much feel like finding out." She winked and he knew that it was mostly tongue in cheek. Nevertheless, Elizabeth Prentiss was one Hell of a woman and he knew her relationship with her daughter wasn't exactly perfect. _

"_Maybe I don't have to tell her..." Aaron told her in a conciliatory tone. _

"_You would do that... for little old me?" She splayed her fingers over her heart in mock surprise like she had seen her favourite heroines do in the movies. _

_He laughed lightly at this and she followed suit, her smile beautiful – her plump lips tantalising, just a mere accidental step too far away from his. _

"_My mother pays you the big bucks right? It wouldn't be very 'Bodyguardish' of you to go against her wishes now would it?" She asked, making a clear allusion to a very different type of security detail. _

"_Well, Miss Prentiss my job doesn't actually concern the 'domestics' in this household but rather the staff... Besides I think you'll find that there are certain aspects of the kind of 'body-guarding' you're referring to in which I would prove myself to be more than apt." He replied with a confidence which overwhelmed her for a second. _

"_Is that so?" She teased trying to buy herself some time. _

"_Care to find out?" He asked, placing his fingers on her waist, establishing that first contact between them and feeling a spark of a long dead lust ignite within him as her breath caught and her eyes flicked shut just for a second. _

"_You know, now that I think about it – you do owe me a birthday present." Her eyes flashed. _

"_Do I?" He asked in mock surprise. _

"_Mm hmm it's tradition. All of the staff always get me a gift. Every. Single. One. Except you... You are my mother's staff aren't you? Only I wouldn't want to be the one responsible for giving her the stick she beats you with. Insubordination..." She sucked in a breath "it's a big word." Her grin was enchanting. _

"_Hmm now this is quite the quandary. You see, I wouldn't want to break tradition and as you say, a charge of insubordination would be a blemish upon my otherwise immaculate employment record... but you see Miss Prentiss... all the stores are closed... however can I make it up to you?" He asked with more than a little suggestion colouring his tone. _

"_Hmm... I appreciate your dilemma but I am not prepared to let this slide, I would consider it a severe lack of professionalism should you choose not to honour the tradition." She smirked. _

"_I see. Of course I understand your... position Miss Prentiss and I'm just trying to think of something that I can do right here... right... now." He replied slowly. _

"_Well... Aaron... you could start by dropping the 'Miss Prentiss' bit... My name is Emily." She told him...Waiting, hoping... _

"_Emily." _

_He pulled her close then, despising the millimetres which separated them. His hand snaked beneath the red ball gown she wore, settling on the velvety skin of her thigh as his free arm wrapped around her waist and crushed her body to his. She gasped at his forwardness but made no motion to pull away. _

_Her breathing was heavy in the enclosed space and his body pressed tightly to her, trapping her against the bookshelves and highlighting his every desire. She drew in a breath knowing that this was particularly vicarious situation. Anyone could catch them... but then wasn't that half the fun? The thought that she was behaving this way with this man, a man she hardly knew in her mother's house whilst the dragon herself was only one room away was thrilling. _

_She was about to speak but the act of his fingers grasping the lacy edges of her panties stopped the words in her throat. He had yet to say anything or make any motion to ensure that this was something she wanted but the thought that this contact should be lost was almost heartbreaking in itself. She was hardy a virgin but there was something about the way he touched her – so tenderly and yet so erotically which excited and terrified her in equal measure._

_He leaned in close to her, his warm breath mingling with hers as his lips sought hers. It was intimate, perhaps more so than what his hands were doing to her because he knew that a kiss meant something. You could try to pretend that it didn't, try to dismiss its significance but in the end it would always be there – an occurrence between two people which was just for them. Nevertheless, her lips were so plump – he hadn't felt the urge to kiss someone like this in a long time, not even his wife, as much as he wanted to kiss her now. He could smell the strawberry of her lip stain, a last mark of youth in her defiantly independent woman routine and he was lost to her... _

_Their lips met without either of them really realising it. It wasn't a forced meeting at all – it felt almost like their lips melted together. Soon however, all gentility was forgotten and his tongue was plundering her mouth with restless attack. The skilled muscle seemed to seek out the secret crevices of her dark cavern, the sharpness of its darting causing her mind to careen at full speed down more dangerous avenues... if this was what he could do with his tongue... what would he be like as a lover – how would it feel to have other parts of his anatomy probing, plundering and stealing their way into other parts of hers?_

_His hands continued their exploration under her dress and her head lolled against the shelves. She fought him fervently for dominance, trying to master him in this deliciously erotic tango he had instigated but in her weakness she succumbed to his mastery, concentrating only on the sensations caused by the movements of his tongue – wrapping its way around hers as his fingers probed their way beyond the lace she wore, seeking out the soft, moist skin of her greatest secret. _

_After the longest time she felt him beginning to pull back, his fingers stilling for a moment and even though her own mind was dazed from the depletion of oxygen she was desperate to keep him close. Her eyes flew open in alarm and he smiled at her, finding her desperation endearing as she leant forward, nipping his lips gently, keeping him locked against her, never wanting to let go... _

_She relented in her nips and kisses eventually and her head rested on his shoulder as he held her close, not quite ready to break this moment, whatever it was, however it had come to be. _

"_So? What do you think? Was that an... Adequate birthday gift?" He asked her with a small, refined smile. _

_She waited a moment and then shook her head firmly from left to right. 'No' – it said without words. She bit her lip, drawing the swollen flesh between her pearlescent teeth and pulling him further into her snare. _

"_I do believe my mother gave you an order, I think that you should follow through with that don't you?" She asked referring to the 'order' Ambassador Prentiss had fictitiously given him. Her eyes flashed with mischief and expectation and he knew that she was testing him. For one night he wanted to live a little. Just once. It could only be once... _

"_Well... it was an order." _

"_Mm hmm, it was." Her eyes lit up with the laughter he could tell she was struggling to hold back. _

"_You want it all don't you? Emily..." He chuckled a little as she began walking towards the western exit of this prolific reading room. _

"_Not everything." She started as she opened the door... _

_When she was part way through, she turned back towards him, looking over her shoulder. "Just you...Aaron." She smiled and he was lost..._

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><p><strong>So there you are, I hope you liked it – I suppose on second reading it was slightly M... in small ways. I guess it's time to go back to the present to get some real HP going on... **

**Thanks for reading, hopefully I got all the edits if not please forgive me. **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	9. Forbidden Kisses and Reasons to Stay

**Ok so I think it might be becoming clear why I decided to split this down into chapters rather than posting as a one shot – we're already at 10,000 words it would have been a huge one shot... It's been so amusing to me this morning waking up to reviews which all show appreciation for the shorter chapters... yes I **_**do**_** realise I make you wait ridiculous amounts of time for chapters in my other fics BUT I get carried away usually and I just can't help myself... Nevertheless, I have taken your opinions on board... **

**Oh and other thing I should mention about this one – it was going to be the M rated chapter BUT I had a decidedly mean streak run through me and I decided that you'll have to wait just one more chapter... I hope you stick with me –I'll make it worth your while. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**P.S: We're firmly back in the present from now on... or are we?**

**This one goes out to all my beautiful reviewers for your support, enthusiasm and ability to keep me inspired to write I love you all. I'd like to give special shout outs to **_**Charmony **_**and **_**Tigerlily888**_** because you know what? No matter what you always see me in my writing and that is something I will appreciate forever.**

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><p><em>~"When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you."~ Anonymous <em>

"Remember?" He whispered, his breath tickling her cheek. He was so close that almost every part of them was touching. Every part that was except their lips...

The memory of that kiss and everything which had followed lingered in the air until the mere suggestion of it made it once again seem tangible. As she concentrated on the sheer unsettling discomfort of his proximity she almost felt like she was a spectator to that moment twenty two years ago as it unfolded in real time. She swallowed hard, the nervous sound this produced the only thing that could be heard aside from the erratic rise and fall of their breathing and the twin pounding of their heartbeats. Even though she was silent, making no verbal attempt to acknowledge that she did indeed remember, he resolutely refused to break the contact he had established between them.

Her cheeks were flushed and a vivid blush was creeping down her neck and across her exposed décolletage and it was in this uncomfortable heat that she realised exactly how and where he was touching her. His hands almost seemed to burn her skin where they rested – one on the waist of her dress and one beneath it, making direct contact with her thigh. The feeling of unease which accompanied this sudden awareness of what he was doing, what he was suggesting, almost overwhelmed her but in her determination to prove that she could not be used by him a second time she refused to be so weak as to show him that once again he had gotten the better of her.  
>She drew herself up to her full height, instinctively creating some distance between them, but he was too quick for her. His body seemed to respond to hers by intuition, recognising the fluid rapidity of her movements and following her, never allowing there to be any separation between them. His hand slipped out from beneath her dress and wrapped around her waist, forcing her to square up to him, to look him in the eye.<p>

"I know you remember, I know you feel it too." He whispered and before she could articulate an answer, his lips were pressed to hers and the ghost of _that _kiss was resurrected and brought to life.

She clamped her lips together stubbornly despite the overpowering desire which rose within her to respond to his kiss as she had all those years ago. She would not do this, she would not be used by him a second time, she would not allow them to do to Stephen what they had done to Haley. She would not listen to her heart. She could not.  
>He hated to think that she really did not feel anything for him now. He hated that try as he might to resurrect the first time they had kissed, to create the strength of feeling they had shared - to remind her why it had been so easy and in many ways so inevitable that they would end up exploring a physical facet to something which he should never have allowed to happen - she would not return it.<p>

Still as his lips remained pressed to hers he was able to recall with astounding clarity the one hundred and one reasons why he had gone home to his wife over the course of those three magical days feeling like he had left a part of himself somewhere else – somewhere that Haley couldn't reach. He knew that the part of himself he had sacrificed to Emily Prentiss during their brief love affair was his heart – something which he could never get back and strangely something he never felt he wanted to be returned. She had it and he wanted her to keep it. He had a feeling now that it was almost too late to hope that she could gift him her own heart, but the fact that she had yet to push him away despite her refusal to kiss him back gave him the faintest of glimmers.

The longer they stayed in this embrace, the bolder he became. He had to know definitively once and for all if everything he thought there had been between them truly had died for her the day he had told her about Haley. He knew that for him that could never be the case. Every day he had had to live with his decision, the choice he had made and every day he had died a little more inside. The truth was everything she had said earlier was something he could understand and in honesty it hadn't even taken him a day to realise that his decision had been the wrong one, or at least the one which hurt his heart the most. It had taken Aaron Hotchner a grand total of one hour to realise that the intense pain he felt in chest, was that of love and not for the woman he had taken to bed that night. It was an exquisite pain, for the wild and beautiful brunette girl he had let walk out of his apartment that day. But for her maybe things had been easier. Perhaps she had gotten home to her mother's expensive compound, had a little cry (or at least he hoped she had) and then realised that she couldn't spend her entire life lamenting the loss of man she had known for a few weeks one summer and whom she had spent three real days romantically attached to. It was possible that she had realised that the three days they had spent together had been enough – that a casual arrangement had been all she had been looking for.

This was certainly the impression she had given him when years later, she had shocked the Hell out of him by turning up in the BAU, ready to assume a spot which he hadn't even realised existed until he came to understand that her reappearance was once again plugging a void in his life created by his increasingly loveless marriage to Haley. He remembered how hard his heart had been beating that day, he recalled the rising panic when he had asked about her parents and had effectively re-established their past together. But she had been one very cool customer – she had just answered his questions and had then given him that powerhouse 'I'll cut the mustard' speech like there was absolutely no prior connection between them and like she had everything to prove to him and prove herself she had, in so many ways. She was infinitely strongerthan him and she could evidently handle her feelings much better than he could – she was the Queen of compartmentalisation after all. But right now as he clung to her, he couldn't be so sure that she had really ever moved on.

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><p>He dug his fingers lightly into her waist pulling her closer still and jamming their bodies together so that she had no choice but push her lips against his. He took advantage of her surprise catching her bottom lip between his teeth and tugging upon it just hard enough that she elicited a slight moan of pain which allowed his tongue to steal into her mouth and to begin its tender caress of her soft walls. She allowed him this small victory for several long seconds before she pulled away, her face already tear stained.<p>

"What are you...? What are _we_...?" She stopped, abruptly pulling away from him and running a hand roughly through her hair.

"Come on Emily... We both know that you're not happy in this life..." He told her, trying in vain to press a kiss to her jaw.

"Do not do that! Do not tell me what I am, what I want. You don't know me anymore- in fact you clearly never did." She told him, trying to push him back but struggling against his strength.

"Emily please, don't do this to yourself, don't condemn yourself to this life because of your stubbornness."

"Stubbornness? How dare you? _You_ had _your _chance..." She spat but her anger did nothing to make him desist, instead he reached out and grabbed both her hands in an effort to make her anguish go away.

"I made the wrong choice. I know that now. I knew it then. You want me to shout it from the rooftops? Fine, great – I'll do it, but please don't let this go twice – I don't want you to get stuck in a dead end marriage like..."

"Hotch!" She raised her voice to silence the dishonour to Haley's memory.

"I'm... I'm sorry...It's just I... I loved you, I still do. I_ love_ you damn it Emily." He told her, his palm connecting with the oak shelf in frustration and she started a little – she was not used to him expressing anger in a physical way like this.

"Why are you telling me this now?" The words were a whisper filled with sadness. It was too late now after all, for a lot of reasons...

"You deserved to know. I needed to admit it to myself..." He breathed, his eyes filled with pain.

"After twenty two years you decided that now was a good time to tell me this because and I quote 'I deserved to know'? You didn't think I deserved to know then, you didn't want to give me the chance to fight for you?" She asked in sad disbelief.

"I was wrong. I don't know what else I can say." He hung his head.

"Then why say anything at all? Why come here now?" She asked pulling her hands roughly from his and pushing past him.

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><p>Just as she thought she had made a successful escape she felt his hand catch in the crook of her elbow, the speed of the action almost throwing her back against the book shelf.<p>

"You believe me don't you? I love you Emily." His voice sounded so small that she immediately felt tears pricking at her eyes again.

"It's too late Aaron." Her tone was resolute.

"Look I know that this situation is hardly... ideal... But that doesn't mean it's too late." He was desperate now.

"It does. For _me_ it does. I took vows, I made a commitment. I love Stephen... I just..." She wavered for a second and he took the opportunity to kiss her again.

She pulled away quickly, hating how much she loved the feeling of his lips on hers, kissing her like there was nothing stopping him, like this was something he was at liberty to do every day, whenever he felt the desire.

"Would you please just stop. What you want, it can't happen. I'm married now as you were then. It was not our destiny to be together, whatever we might have felt. Don't play God Aaron. You won't make me leave him." She told him, her jaw set.

"If Stephen is the only reason you're fighting this then you have to decide – is he worth your being unhappy forever Emily?"

"Stephen isn't the only thing stopping me from leaving this life Aaron. Don't try to assume that you have the first clue about who I am now."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, panic rising within him again.

"You know for a profiler you really don't see too well do you?"

"What am I supposed to have seen Emily?" He asked in confusion.

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><p>"God, isn't it obvious?" She asked her hand sliding over the front of her dress and settling upon her lower abdomen. "You were watching us all night... are you going to tell me you didn't notice what Stephen was trying to tell everyone?" She laughed drily then. She had never had reason to doubt his skill as a profiler before, this was the first time she had ever been given reason to see him for what he truly was – not a superhuman machine but merely a man.<p>

"You're..." He couldn't finish the sentence, the breath to complete it seemed to have deserted him in one single rush brought on by the panic.

"Pregnant..." The word settled in the air for a moment before she continued, "But I can't imagine being so, not like this. What do you say? Still love me now?"

"If you think that this changes a single thing then you're crazy." He told her without a moment's hesitation.

"Don't you see. It has to change everything. I couldn't leave him now – this is his child, besides I couldn't do this alone." She told him.

"You wouldn't be alone, not for one second." He promised ardently.

"You're sweet. Really you are and if things were different... But they're not and you have to leave now. You have to go back to Virginia and move on with your life. I think twenty two years is long enough. It's time you took your heart back. It's yours to give Aaron but I can't know that it belongs to me. You have to go."

"It'll never belong to anyone else Emily, you have to know that by now."

"I'm sorry. I can't do this Aaron. I never could." She told him, her tears falling freely now.

He watched her go knowing that with a baby in the equation, nothing could change her mind. Nothing, except maybe the one thing she had always wanted from him. A chance. To fight. A chance to find happiness...

"Emily wait. What if I could take you away from here? What if you never had to come back? Come away with me Emily. Let me make you happy." He begged.

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><p>He was sure that he was too late now. She had made that much clear and she made no motion to indicate that she had heard him... Until she stopped in the doorway, turning back towards him.<p>

In the half light he could see the stricken look in her eyes as she tried to decide if she should follow her head or heart and she weighed exactly what the implications of either decision would be.

"How?" She asked at last, her voice sounded strangulated in her throat.

He paused for a moment's thought before answering, covering the short distance between them in a few seconds.

"Easy." He smiled after a beat, reaching down and taking her hand, his heart skipping a beat as he felt her red polished fingers wrap around his...

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><p><strong>Oooh are we ready for some M? Did I make you wait long enough? I hope you liked what I tried to do here. I think my aim here was to push the boundaries. Whilst I agree with <strong>_**Charmony **_**that cheating is just 'wrong' as you say I also wanted to explore the ways in which one could cheat oneself out of happiness by trying to do the 'right thing' I hope that comes across here... **

**Also did anyone have a sneaking suspicion that our girl was pregnant?**

**Hopefully you don't want to kill me for making you wait a bit longer for the M and will channel that energy into letting me know what you thought. I'm just now working on the next chapter so it should be ready soon. I am TRYING to limit my flow to make this an achievable two day endeavour. **

**I hope I caught all the edits, if not please forgive me. **

**Thank you so much to everyone reading, it means so much to me. **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	10. Love You Better Now

**Hey... **

**So here it is the M I have been promising and hinting at and teasing you with since the very beginning I can't believe that this has turned into a proper fic overnight, this has to be the quickest one I've ever done and probably the one I have been most nervous about – not least because it departs quite drastically from the way that I usually write about our favourite couple, so your support really does means the world to me. **

**To **_**Onetreefan, **_**my beautiful girl Rach, thank you for catching up with this all in one night, it means so much to me. I love you so much and I hope that this makes you smile. **

**Thanks also to my lovely **_**BabyGurl0506 **_**you know I love you and I appreciate you taking the time to read this, I know you have a hectic schedule just now. Your reaction made me smile. Also you'll see some mild inspiration from one of conversations n here. **

**My author's note remains the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal minds its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be marked in italics. **

**One more thing: This one mixes past and present with the textual denominations between the two – italics means past, normal type means present – just so you don't get confused. **

**I hope you enjoy this one. Please be mindful that this is the M chapter. **

**Also the title of this chapter is inspired by a song entitled 'Lego House' by the wonderful Mr Ed Sheeran – it's actually one of the lyrics. I have also reproduced a portion of the lyrics to demonstrate its relevance to what I'm trying to do here since I thinking about some of the ideas expressed here when writing – you'll see. So credit where's due. **

_*****I'm gonna pick up the pieces,  
>and build a Lego house<br>when things go wrong we can knock it down**_

_**My three words have two meanings,**_  
><em><strong>there's one thing on my mind<strong>_  
><em><strong>It's all for you<strong>_

_**I'm out of touch, I'm out of love**_  
><em><strong>I'll pick you up when you're getting down<strong>_  
><em><strong>and of all these things I've done I think I love you better now<strong>_

_**I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind**_  
><em><strong>I'll do it all for you in time<strong>_  
><em><strong>And of all these things I've done I think I love you better now<strong>_

_**And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before**_  
><em><strong>and I'll surrender up my heart<strong>_  
><em><strong>and swap it for yours<strong>_

_**I'm out of touch, I'm out of love**_  
><em><strong>I'll pick you up when you're getting down<strong>_  
><em><strong>and of all these things I've done I think I love you better now ***<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>~"<em>_If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.__"~ Anonymous._

* * *

><p><em>She couldn't suppress the giggle which escaped her as she felt him, clinging tightly to her hand. She supposed as she lead him through what could be described as the subterraneous passages of her mother's excessive townhouse, that this was the first time that this encounter seemed real to her. Even when he had kissed her, even when his hands had been on her body, there had been that dreamlike quality to the whole thing which separated it from reality. But now she could really feel him, the tightness of his grip on her hand, the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck and only then did she begin to let herself feel the excitement which had been building up in the pit of her stomach since he had first busted her. <em>

_She took the back steps two at a time, laughing harder still when she heard him puff a little in an effort to match her speed. Soon the pair was racing down the corridor towards the last door on the right – her bedroom. _

_As she reached it, twisting the gold knob and stepping inside, she wondered if this was where it would end. Would he be a gentleman and leave her at the door under the pretence of completing his order or would he do what she hoped he would and follow her in – picking up on the hint she had not so subtly given him in the library? She did not have to wait long to find out. He followed her through with only one brief and unfathomable moment's hesitation and soon his mouth was on hers again as he used his foot to close the door and he walked them deftly back towards the bed. She was still catching her breath after her short fall and she hardly realised that he had managed to get her dress undone and at her elbows before she had even had time to register what had happened. It was only when she felt his hot mouth placing long and languid kisses to the crest of her cleavage that she began to wonder if she was in a little out of her depth. Still she did not indicate to him that she felt at all overwhelmed by his actions, instead she relaxed into the moment – letting him control her and pretending that she was equal to him in terms of the experience he seemed to have. Despite herself she was not able to contain the virginal gasp which escaped her when he simultaneously snapped open the clasp of her bra and rid her of the confining ball gown, tossing the blood red fabric to the floor in a crumpled heap..._

* * *

><p>She laughed and it was heartfelt. She didn't know why she was at all surprised by the turn of events as she watched him cross in front of the Government Issue Yukon he had organised for the team's trip to Westchester. He slid into the seat next to her and only when the door was closed did she let herself fully indulge in the humour of this moment.<p>

"That was it?" She asked incredulously, quirking her eyebrow a little as he tried to understand her laughter.

"What 'was it'?" He asked, his tone of confusion endearing to her.

"This" she waved her hands around in the general space between them to indicate something she still didn't articulate "the big escape plan." She finished with another small giggle as she thought about the way he had clasped her hand all the way to the front door and hadn't let her go until he had closed the door of the passenger's side of the car.

"You expected something different?" His tone was curious. Sure it was bold. Stephen could have spotted them on their way past the drawing room and then everything would have been in ruin but sometimes a plan executed right beneath someone's nose was the most effective. This often proved to be true on cases and so to it had proved itself to be more than the blind hope of a desperate man here.

"No... I guess when you said 'easy' I didn't quite envisage walking out of the front door of my house..." She paused, those two words catching in her throat 'my house', 'my home', 'my husband'. She swallowed hard and pushed the guilt away.

"Maybe I imagined something... a little more romantic. It seemed like you had a plan that's all." She smiled a little.

"I did. Not to leave that party without you..." He told her and already he could see her tears. "You're disappointed." He commented as the realisation hit him.

She shook her head, wondering where he had gotten that idea from. "I'm here aren't I?" She asked and the question seemed to be addressed as much to herself as to him.

"You are." He smiled leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek but she pulled away quickly.

"Not here." She murmured and just like that the circumstances of their togetherness settled between them heavily.

He silently adhered to her request, sitting up straight and switching on the engine. They sped quickly down the rain covered roads out of her cul-de-sac and towards... a world of uncertainty.

Ten minutes into the journey he very nearly crashed the car as she unexpectedly took the hand he had rested on his left thigh in hers. She did not look at him, did not even speak but the gesture was enough. He gave her hand a slight squeeze and suddenly their situation didn't seem so difficult. For just one moment they could have been any regular couple. Or at least he thought so, until she spoke again and the magic began to be lost.

"Where are we going?" At first the question seemed simple but as he turned his head towards hers for the briefest of seconds, he noticed the way she bit her lip and he knew that there was more to it than a simple request for information regarding their location.

"My hotel suite – is that Ok?" He asked, watching her out of the corner of his eye as he waited for her reply.

"Just like a real scarlet woman then?" The comment was sardonic but he could tell that it tore her apart.

"Don't think of it like that Emily."

"Why not? It's true isn't it? I'm being unfaithful..." She tried not to cry as the pressure of this betrayal weighed down on her heart.

"Emily we haven't done anything yet. We don't_ have _to do anything." He told her and as much as it killed him he was ready for that eventuality.

"I appreciate your chivalry Aaron... but I want to, I _want_ to be unfaithful and that in itself is enough. If I loved Stephen even half as much as I tell myself I do I wouldn't have kissed you back in that library, I would have just left. If I didn't feel like there was something missing I'd be at home, waving off our guests and letting him take me to bed." She replied and for a moment he didn't know how to respond, it was the first time she had really acknowledged any sense of her own feelings.

Instead of responding to what she had said he changed the subject. Not least because he couldn't decide what to say. "I missed you." It was simple but it was true, he had.

" I missed you too." She replied because she had. Every day, perhaps without even knowing it.

They said nothing more as they continued their short journey to his hotel. There didn't seem to be anything to say. They both knew what they were doing, they both knew what they wanted and they both felt that they were powerless to stop it. It felt like it was meant to be.

* * *

><p>She was shaking as she waited for him to open the door. This was really happening. There was nothing dreamlike about this. Here they were, about to do this – to go back into the past. The difference this time was that they were both fully aware of the whole truth of this situation and yet neither one of them could find it within themselves to admit that it was wrong of them to be here.<p>

She _shouldn't _be here, she should never have left the house. She should have told him to leave and have been done with it, with him. But she had been weak, as always and once again she had put her trust in him and now here they were...

He was struggling with the key card not least because he couldn't quite believe that she was still stood here with him. He had half expected that she would do a disappearing act the minute she realised that this wasn't a dream but she was still here and he intended to show her that he was serious about her and about making her happy.

Finally after several flashes of the red light, it turned green and the door opened. He pushed it and stepped back in order to allow her to enter the room before him. She did so with a small smile and started when she heard the door close behind them. He just hoped that she didn't feel trapped here, that was the last thing that he wanted.

They stood awkwardly inside the door for a moment, neither of them quite knowing what to do, how to proceed. Of course as rational and consenting adults they both knew the reason why they were here and in some ways they both understood that what happened here would have massive effects on a future which extended much further than tomorrow. After a while she stepped closer to him, her hand reaching out and resting on his face whilst her thumb stroked his cheek.

Just this brief and affectionate contact sent a thrill right to the base of her spine. She stared into his eyes seeing the torment there and only then realising just how much this meant to him. Sure he had made mistakes and this whole thing had been started based on a lie but he was in pain and she couldn't stand it. She wanted to take it away, this seemed to be her greatest desire.

"You lost weight." She commented after a moment, her fingers tracing the protrusion of his cheek bone and noticing the gauntness in his face.

"I did?" He seemed surprised, like he hadn't noticed the changes Haley's death and full time fatherhood had affected upon his person.

"Mm hmm." She mumbled letting her fingers slide down his face and over his lips.

He kissed her fingers gently and heard her breath hitch as they stood there, so much feeling in the air around them. "Well..." He started, reaching towards her and catching some tendrils of her hair between his own fingers "you changed your hair". He didn't know exactly where this comparison of changes had come from but he guessed it was probably something that they both needed. A way of ensuring there was still at least some semblance of the other person that they still recognised.

"I did, it's supposed to be fashionable right now." She told him, not sounding as if she even recognised the fashion-conscious person she had become.

"I like it, it suits you." He smiled, choosing not to see the vanity which had clearly been instilled in her by her husband.

"Thanks." She whispered as she concentrated on the sensation of his hands running through her short reddish bob.

"You look good Emily." He told her as his arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled their bodies close.

"So do you... I'd forgotten how much I liked that stern brow of yours Agent Hotchner." She smirked.

"Well I'd forgotten how much_ I_ liked that _sassy _mouth of yours Emily." He retorted, careful not to use her maiden or married names.

"Is it a_ sassy_ mouth you'd like to kiss again?" She teased.

"I was rather hoping so."

"I _am_ glad." She smiled before closing the gap between them... Kissing was Ok... Wasn't it?

It felt good for him to know that he wasn't the only one capable of instigating kisses. It told him that he hadn't been completely off the mark in anticipating that she still had feelings for him. She seemed less willing to be patient with him than he had been with her. Her lips pressed firmly against his and she used her quick tongue to force his own lips to separate giving her immediate access to the place he would have willing surrendered to her. He didn't mind her dominance, in fact it excited him since it went some way towards reviving the young, passionate and zealous young woman she had been the first time they had ever been together.

She drew back and plunged forward in quick succession, her tongue stroking and probing his mouth whilst her lips, swollen and plump inflamed his own. He couldn't remember a kiss which had felt so good – consuming and yet tender, demanding and yet giving, a moment so perfect he never wanted to let her go. It didn't matter to him that in a matter of minutes his breathing would become too erratic to make coherent thought impossible, it hardly seemed to matter that his head was swooning from the drug like power she seemed to intoxicate him with. All he wanted was to be this close to her forever and to Hell with the consequences. Even death by kiss didn't seem so bad since he'd feel like he had died a happy man.

Eventually though he had to face facts. He'd rather surrender this kiss and experience everything that she had to offer him, but it was with reluctance that he pulled away. She let out a whimper of mild frustration as he drew back but ended up with a wide grin on her face the moment she opened her eyes and saw that he had enjoyed the kiss as much as she had.

* * *

><p>"Hey." She murmured with a smile as if this was the first time she had seen him.<p>

"Hey." He replied chuckling a little at her delirium.

"I'd forgotten what a great kisser you are." She smiled a lazy happy smile as he ran his lips down the elegant column of her neck.

"I never forgot what it felt like to kiss you Emily, you're special – I couldn't forget something, someone so precious to me." He replied drawing in a sharp breath as her hands slid beneath the lapels of his black dinner jacket.

Before she went any further she paused, slipping her hands out from beneath the jacket and resting them instead upon his shoulders. She sighed heavily as she noted the sparkling anticipation in his eyes. "Aaron..." She mumbled as his lips when to her neck again. "What happens now?" She asked and the heaviness of the question weighed down upon them both.

"What do you mean?" He asked, trying to avoid having this discussion, but knowing that it needed to happen.

"Well... I'm here now, so what? What's the next part of the plan?" She asked her tone a little more clipped than she had intended it to be.

"Look Emily, I just want to be with you, that's the only thing I ever wanted." He told her, his voice sad.

"I see... so your wife left you a year after I joined the BAU and still you couldn't tell me how you felt? Then she... died and still you couldn't be honest. The only thing _I _ever wanted was for you to know that I was there and all you could do was push me away. Can you blame me for wanting something different for myself? Something that wasn't our toxic friendship, something where the memory of the past didn't haunt every word I ever spoke. Stephen... he loves me, has always only loved me..." She broke off, tears choking in the back of her throat as she stepped back and headed for the door.

"Emily wait, please – don't go." He begged.

* * *

><p>"Give me one good reason why I should stay. My husband is probably going crazy with worry and here I am... You say you love me Aaron but I've never seen any evidence of that. You think one kiss is enough? I have a year's worth of life with Stephen, I'm carrying his child and you're not doing a convincing job at persuading me to leave him. You want to make me happy? You should have tried putting me first all those years ago." She told him sadly.<p>

"I don't know how many times I can apologise before you believe that 'sorry' is not just a word I'm saying. I put you in second place once before and you've been my subordinate for three years but that's not the way I want it to be now. I want the chance to show you that I can put you first, that you don't have to be unhappy." He implored, hoping that she understood how sincere he was.

"How? I thought you knew what you were doing, I thought you had figured out a way for us to be together but instead you bring me here, for what? One night of sex? Was that the _plan_?" She asked her voice raising an octave.

"Emily please..." He sounded defeated but he had yet to deny her accusation.

"Well come on Aaron... I'm waiting..."

"Look I hadn't thought about how this was going to work, it's not like I meant for this to happen, it's just that being in the same place as you after all this time made me feel things that I thought were dead a long time ago. I couldn't bear to leave that house without you by my side because I could see the unhappiness in your eyes and I had to make it go away. Maybe I did think that we could be together tonight but..."

"So that's what I am to you - a quick screw? After all this time that's still what I mean to you?" She sounded more hurt than he had ever heard her in the time he had known her and he knew that he was the reason for that – his mindless choices twenty two years ago and the flippant way he had articulated himself were like a knife in her heart – that much he could see all over her face.

"No! Damn it Emily! Do you really think so little of me? That wasn't what I meant at all – I was going to say that I wanted to take you home, I wanted to put you on the jet and take you right back to Virginia – but we have to be sensible about this – there's the team and... Stephen to think about..."

"Jumping state isn't going to solve this problem Aaron. As much as we might want it to. I'd wake up in Virginia and I'd still be Mrs Emily Jones. Just because Stephen wouldn't be there, I couldn't pretend that he didn't exist. It wouldn't be fair." She told him and he could tell how much it pained her to say the words.

"So it would be difficult, that doesn't mean that we couldn't make it work..." He told her closing the distance between them and pressing kisses to the entirety of her face – anywhere he could gain access to as she fought him.

"How could it work Aaron? What do we really have here?" She asked, motioning between them.

"We have what we feel, isn't that enough?"

"What we feel? How do we even know what that is? The things I thought you felt for me obviously weren't true and everything I felt for you was based on a lie you told. If we do this now we're doing the exact same thing. We're still lying to someone – we're hurting someone who is innocent in all of this." She told him hanging her head, she just wanted to go home – to forget that this had ever happened. For moment she had dared to hope, but that hope had died the minute she realised that he had not changed.

"Emily what I felt for you, what I feel for you was never and could never be a lie. I love you - that much I know is true." He told her, his arms wrapping around her again as if he was terrified of letting her go.

"But you still chose Haley. You keep saying you love me but how could you when you chose her?" She asked - it was the question he had failed to answer every time she had asked him so far.

"I had to. I had a duty to stay with her – she and I had years, we only had days... I couldn't walk away..." He told her and the look her face said everything without her even having to speak but she did anyway shooting his cowardly defence out of the water.

"So let's get this straight. You couldn't walk away from your wife but you expect me to do exactly that to Stephen. You are low Aaron, I never thought you could make me feel worse about all of this than you already have. Now you're suggesting that I leave my husband on a whim for a man who will always view me as second best? Congratulations – you have made me feel like the whore you made me be!" She was yelling now and each extension to her fury just made him die a little more inside.

She had to get out here. She had been stupid, foolish to think that it was Ok on any level for her to come here, to think that she could abandon the life she had worked so hard to create. But most of all she was stupid to think that Aaron Hotchner had changed. He had his principles and he stuck to them but it seemed he had a blatant disregard for those of anyone else, especially her. She was just really glad they hadn't done anything that she would have regretted.

"You wouldn't be second – not ever again." He promised her with a sinking feeling.

"It's too late." She sighed heading for the door.

* * *

><p>He caught her before she could get to the handle, twisting her around and pressing her against the door so that her breath was stolen and she couldn't fight him for a moment.<p>

"I know you love me too Emily. I know you do." He told her, his face barely millimetres from hers and his breath mingling with the hot puffs which escaped her.

"I... can't.." She told him, tears welling in her eyes again.

"You do Emily. There is no can't about it - it's a fact."

"It wouldn't last." She protested.

"Yes it would. All we have to do is start with love and..."

"Build in Jack and the child I'm carrying – another's man's child and the opinions of everyone else and the complication of work until it stops being about loving each other and more about trying to prove something to other people. I know you'd try to love my child as your own but it would be just another lie- the whole foundation of you and me and what we would be about would be built on lies and you know, one day it'd all come crumbling down. What would we do then? Pick up the pieces and move on? We can't just play 'house' Aaron, we can't pretend that this is simple. I couldn't take the risk of having things fall apart the second time." She tossed her head to the side, the intensity of his stare suddenly overwhelming her.

"It wouldn't come to that." He told her passionately.

"How do you know?" She seemed genuinely curious.

"I know us and I will always love you." He responded immediately.

"You know you can't promise that."

"I can, I know that I will never stop loving you." He promised again.

"But I'm married and pregnant and you have Jack and everything at work..."

"Stop making excuses. Jack and I come as a package deal – two for the price of one and it's the same with you and your baby. Just because it'll have a different father doesn't mean that your child would feel any less loved. As for being married..." He paused reaching down and taking hold of her left hand "it's just a ring and a piece of paper..." He murmured knowing that he was degrading the value of marriage but feeling like it was the only way to get through to her.

He placed his fingers over hers, sliding the ring off and placing it on the Bureau to the left of the door.

"There, it's half done already. Feel any different?" He asked pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose as she shut her eyes against the realisation that what he said was true. Those two artefacts – the ring and the certificate were the only things which symbolised her marriage now. The truth was no longer happy in her marriage and living in a situation like that wasn't good for either of them.

"Yes." She whispered pulling him close.

* * *

><p>She pressed her lips to his pounding pulse point and let her tongue flick out to taste it. His skin was soft and its sweet natural scent was overridden by the tang of spice which tasted slightly bitter on her tongue. "I do" She whispered her fingers snaking up between their bodies and grasping the knot of his tie and he couldn't decide what she was saying 'I do' to – feeling differently or loving him, or maybe it was both.<p>

"Good." He just about managed as her lips descended onto his collar and her hands abandoned the tie and slid back inside his jacket again. In a matter of moments the garment hit the floor with a crumple and her expert fingers went to work on the white dress shirt he was wearing beneath it.

She whipped it quickly down his strong muscular arms and let it rest for a moment at his elbows, suddenly becoming fascinated by the pinkish scars which patterned his chest. They were mesmerising and beautiful in their terribleness. She recalled that particular case with clarity - of course she did. It was one of the last cases she had worked for the BAU and it had been symbolic in so many ways. First and foremost Haley's life had been lost and Jack's had been jeopardised. It was one of those profound moments, a revelation – when she had seen that he had really cared for Haley on some deeper level than she could ever really understand. It also marked the realisation within her that try as she might to move on, she simply hadn't been able to. Seeing him in that hospital bed so defeated and so human had made it very difficult to maintain her professional distance. She had wanted nothing more than to curl up in the space next to him and wrap her arms around him but she hadn't been able to – she had been forced into that professional role and it had almost killed her that he had never allowed her to do more for him in time immediately after the devastation that Foyet had caused.

She pressed her fingers to the first scar trailing them down towards the last and watching his reactions intently. His eyes were closed and his hand had closed around hers as if he was ensuring that he could feel her. His breath hitched in his throat as she continued to touch him and she quickly recoiled her hand.

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" She asked nervously.

"No... It's just that no-one's seen them since... I hate the way they look – I thought they would repulse you." He admitted.

"You could never repulse me Aaron. I think you're beautiful." She told him, soothing away his doubts.

"You know you're pretty amazing Emily." He told her pulling her in for another kiss but breaking it in mild alarm as he felt her beginning to walk them backward. "What're you...?" He asked in surprise.

"Ssh... don't talk." She instructed as she pushed him and he ended up sitting on the edge of the bed.

She said and did nothing for a moment as she observed him. The power structures here had quickly become reversed and she was in the position of power towering over him as he looked up at her with curious eyes.

She knelt in the space automatically created for between his thighs and dragged his shirt the rest of the way off, throwing it carelessly to one side and beginning to pepper his shoulders and collarbone with kisses. She moved lower, finding the task infinitely more difficult in the cramped space but his skin was like an opiate to her, she had to taste it, to feel that connection with him.

He was assaulting her neck and shoulders with kisses as she grappled for his belt and eventually she gave up – letting out a frustrated sigh as she stood up, her breathing heavy.

He couldn't be sure what she was doing but just the sight of her like this – her neat, _fashionable _bob mussed from the efforts of his roving hands and her lips already swollen from too many kisses sent his heart soaring. He was about to ask her what she was doing when she reached behind herself, her fingers gripping the zipper of her dress.

"Wait... Are you..." He started to ask but she cut across him sharply.

"Please don't – don't say it Ok?"

"We don't have to do this Emily." He told her hating the words as they came out of his mouth but feeling like he needed to ensure that she knew that she could choose to stop this before they both went that step too far.

"Aaron please... I just want you. I only want to think about you and me, please." She reiterated hoping that he would just let them enjoy this for however long it would last.

"Ok." He agreed after a moment, immediately becoming transfixed by the way the fabric of her bright red cocktail dress began to slacken with every inch the zipper moved.

* * *

><p>She heard him stifle a breath at the back of his throat as she shimmied the dress down and it slipped down her shoulders. As she worked the fabric further down her body he began to get glimpses of the lingerie in which her lithe and pale figure was adorned. A thrill ran through his body as he considered the fact that he had never seen a woman look so enticing and for all intents and purposes she was still fully dressed. He had to wonder how he was going to keep his control once she became less so.<p>

He didn't have to wait long to find out. The dress which had seemed to fit her like a glove slipped easily from her body now that the fastening had been loosened and pooled at her feet within seconds.

She laughed her infectiously sexy laugh as she watched him, his mouth gaping as he took in her appearance and for just a moment she could have been her carefree nineteen year old self, but then something in him snapped back to the present of this situation and he realised that she couldn't have been more different. Her every movement was precise and careful, she was overwhelmingly conscious of the effect she had upon him and the way her body had filled out – her breasts becoming fuller and her hips just slightly more curvy with time reminded him that the Emily who stood with him now was not a girl at all but a woman. An incredibly beautiful woman.

"You like it?" She asked and there was laughter in her voice as she watched him scrutinising the lingerie she wore.

He appraised the semi-structured sheer red lace camisole and matching panty set she wore and he could only nod his head 'yes'. There was just something about that colour being so close to her skin and clinging so tightly that it left almost nothing to the imagination which really threw him for a loop. It was maddening, having her standing there so near and yet so untouchable.

"Now I know you can do better than that Agent Hotchner." She teased stepping closer to him and reaching for his hand which she dragged over her body, allowing his sensitised fingertips to feel the erotic softness of the lace she wore before settling his wide palm over her left breast.

After that he needed no further instruction. He drew himself up to full height and pulled her closer, his hand never leaving her breast but instead beginning to knead it a little – reacquainting himself with her softness and learning the new curves of her body.

"You're stunning." He whispered as he allowed his lips to trail from her jaw down to the exposed crest of her cleavage and then over the lace, drawing her already erect nipple into his warm dampness and tugging on it a little. It didn't take much to have her moaning, it never had.

He remembered the way that during the number of times they had made love over those three days often it had only taken the brush of his fingertips against her skin to have her emitting noises of pleasure. He was pleased to see that this part of her hadn't changed.

Her hand curled into his hair pulling on it a little as he continued his ministrations – his mouth working one breast whilst his hand took care of its twin.

"Hotch." He heard her sigh as he bit down upon the plump and responsive flesh through the lace she wore and it was the most delicious way she had ever used his name. It didn't matter that they were in an intimate situation which allowed her to use his given name. There was something so sexy about the way she said his surname that made him want to hear it that way again and again.

After a while he felt her begin to shift against him, her hands sculpting their way down his bare abdomen and finding their way to his buckle. In her desperation to stay close to him she attempted to divest him of the leather somewhat blindly and when she did not find success, she dropped her head to his shoulder and let out a whimper. "I want you... please... please..." she begged and he was immediately thrown back into the past...

* * *

><p>"<em>I want you... please... please." She begged, the request sounding more like a scream as she tried unsuccessfully to deal with her frustration. <em>

_He laughed a little, the vibration of the action sending a thrill up over her thigh, the place where his mouth currently rested and straight to her very core. She was naked and had been almost from the second he had locked the door. She needn't have worried about him having any doubts. By now he had proven that he most definitely wanted to be here. _

_Her body was splayed against the bright red comforter on her bed, her arms thrown languorously over her head, gripping at the wooden slats in her headboard whilst her thighs were spread widely to accommodate the still clothed body of her lover. _

_She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to focus only on the sensations he was inspiring but her head was becoming clouded not simply from the nature of his attention but also as a result of the overwhelming lust which had built up in her body. She wanted him, some of him, all of him – anything but this teasing. _

_It had been going on for ten minutes now. This frustratingly pleasurable foreplay of theirs. She had tried several times to coax him into a similar state of undress but he had not let her get anywhere near him, pinning her to the bed and leaving her exposed body completely at his mercy. _

_His fingers were incredible, stroking her silken skin into a state of over-sensitised pleasure-pain until she wasn't sure she could take anymore. But if she thought his fingers were skilful tormentors, nothing could have prepared for the assaults of his hot and masterful tongue. He seemed to blaze a trail over her body directly to her need, well almost. As yet her burning centre had not experienced the expertise of the wonderful muscle and she couldn't understand why he was torturing her like this – she had been compliant, willing and responsive and still he held out on her... _

"_Please." She whimpered again, shifting her thighs, pushing him in the right direct. _

_As soon as he realised what she was doing he sat up a little looking up at her with wicked eyes. "Patience is a virtue Emily." He chuckled as she bucked her body closer to his mouth, his hot breath tickling at her intimacy tantalisingly. _

"_Hmm I never did practice my virtues." She told him not recognising the huskiness of her own voice. _

"_Well that is good to know." He replied dipping his head and kissing the dark curling guardians of her femininity. _

_Hers eyes widened as she realised that she was finally getting her wish but they almost left their sockets as that soft pink engine of pleasure slipped down her intimacy and between her slick folds in one swift dart. She bucked violently, her upper body flying from the bed of its own volition as his tongue caressed her inner most walls with the same attention as he had done her mouth, seemingly reaching the deepest recesses of her very being. _

_She was nearing the edges of her control, an uncomfortable awareness of insatiable desire beginning to consume her. She needed more, craved it. She had to have him, she needed to feel him moving inside of her – his erect desire (which she had felt several times already) buried deep inside of her but for now she would have to make the best of the consolation his tongue. _

_It didn't take him long to draw her into a state of oblivion. She could only think of him as the ability to comprehend the motions of his tongue as her breaths came closer together and were increasingly shallower. Just as she was about to fall over the edge she felt him draw back and she beat her fists against the comforter, feeling tears prickling in her eyes. _

"_You're beautiful." He murmured before placing a hot open mouthed kiss to her intimacy and plunging back inside..._

* * *

><p>Her scream echoed around the room and he found his face breaking into a wide grin. She was exactly like he remembered, loud and vocal and frustrated. Perfect. He could tell she had been tightly wound for a long time and he was glad that he had been able to coax her out of that state and into one where any amount of pleasure was possible.<p>

"Jesus Aaron... Wasn't once enough for you?" She panted, trying to get her breath back.

She hadn't had many lovers in the twenty two years since she had been with him but she had always thought that the lovers she had had and more particularly her husband had brought her satisfaction and pleasure. But now she realised that any encounter subsequent to Aaronhad only ever been filled with mediocrity. No-one could compare to him. He was the only one who really knew her whilst having spent almost no time getting to know her personally. Of course he knew all of her professional quirks and wrapped up in that were naturally some more personal details but she did not care about this banal type of knowledge. She cared only about the way he seemed to know her on the deepest level – everything she needed and all the things she wanted – only things the man who loved her most intimately would know. Things that even Stephen had not come to terms with – barriers to the full fulfilment of her desires, which when she was with Aaron no longer seemed like barriers at all.

"I could never get enough of hearing you scream my name like that Emily," he told her, shifting his body up so that his body was perfectly aligned with hers " and if I remember rightly this happened more than once anyway..." He told her, pressing a kiss to her lips and twining the taste of her with the sweetness that already existed in her beautiful mouth.

"Mmm and as I recall you never made me wait this long before making love to me." She pouted, working her hands between their bodies and trying to strip him out of his miraculously already open dress pants and boxers as his own hands began lifting her camisole and they were momentarily a tangle of arms as neither one relent in their efforts to expose the other.

"Maybe we should leave that where it is." She told him nervously. She was just getting to the stage where her pregnancy was beginning to show and she didn't want anything to come between them and the fulfilment of this moment.

"I want to see you Emily." He told her dismissing her concerns and easing the camisole over her head.

He stared down and her now naked body becoming instantly mesmerised by the milkiness of soft skin all over again. His lips immediately began to caress the newly exposed flesh, his attention resting for a long while on her breasts before moving lower showering the slight swell of her stomach with love. She let out a slight gasp at the tenderness of the act as he moved from curve to curve of her hips and made her feel like she was the only woman in the world that mattered.

"You see... Beautiful." He commented as he made her way back up to her mouth and she thanked him with a tender kiss.

He found himself becoming suddenly impatient. He didn't know if it was the emotion of being here with her or that they had so easily been able to slip back into the past but he felt the overwhelming need to be connected with her on every level forever.

She seemed to anticipate his need, her arms linking around the back of his neck and pulling him closer, urging him to continue. He bit her earlobe a little as he leaned in close to whisper to her "Ready?"

"Always." She murmured but she found she was still caught off guard by his powerful thrust.

* * *

><p><em>The gasp left her in a rush of air as he filled her more completely than anyone ever had... <em>

_She had been right to imagine that the skill of his tongue was only a mere suggestion of the talent his desire possessed. All night she had felt like she had been taken to new and unknown territory by a man who far exceeded her evidently humble repertoire of experience but this was like nothing she had ever experienced. _

_With him and for him she felt like her body had surrendered itself entirely. Her mind had absolutely no say in the matter. She felt entirely separated from the essence of herself and yet completely grounded in the moment. _

_From the moment he had used his knees to push her thighs further apart (as if that were even possible) she had understood why people raved on about finding that one. Not The One necessarily – she wasn't all too sure she believed in love at first sight or any of those clichés but she certainly believed what people said there being that one lover who could completely expound the realms of possibility and probability and help you to achieve an ultimate sense of pleasure. She believed that Aaron Hotchner was her 'that one'. He was certainly the main to show her that there was a distinctive difference between having sex and making love. He was the one to show her that her previous three lovers, try as they might to make her believe otherwise, had only been capable of giving her sex. This was certainly no simplistic sex. This was other worldly. _

_He gave her a moment to adjust to his size, he was certainly larger than any man she had been with and her last encounter had been just under a year ago with a guy who had been less than experienced – a mere boy compared to this man. But soon she felt the tension her body was beginning to unfurl and in those first moments when he started a steady pattern of thrusting and pulling back she felt as if her body was a flower welcoming the first days of spring and opening up to the fortification of the one thing which would keep her alive. _

_Soon her flower was engulfing him taking more of him and from him than she had ever thought possible and if felt so good. This moment was beautiful, this moment she could tell would be the start of something beautiful between them... _

_She gripped his shoulders as she rose to meet him, her back arching and her muscles clenching as she strove to prove that there was place that they couldn't go together. _

"_Emily..." He seemed desperate and she despaired of his having to feel that emotion. _

"_I know... I know." She soothed, catching his lips with hers._

* * *

><p>"Together." She murmured just as she had done them and his eyes thanked her with their shining admiration.<p>

He took her hands in his clasping them tightly as he continued to push into her. The movements were gentle and considerate like he was terrified of hurting her or the baby and she appreciated this unspoken gesture, it meant more to her than she could say.

"You're perfect." His whispered leaning down for a kiss.

"You too." She agreed though she knew they were both far from the impossible blueprint of the 'perfect human being'. Right now in this moment they were as perfect as they could be and that was enough.

It took one more thrust for them to go over the edge, careening to a place they could only reach in each other's arms. The last thing either of them heard was her yelp of delight...

"You see..." He started minutes later as she lay with her head rested upon his chest, listening to his heartbeat, "right here in this moment everything is the way it's supposed to be." He finished lazily.

"I know." She murmured trying to focus only on the warmth of her afterglow.

"You and me, we were always meant to be like this." He continued, pulling the standard issue white comforter her around her shoulders a little more as she shivered, noticing how angel she looked right now.

"I know." She murmured again seemingly at a loss for anything else to say.

They were silent for several long moments and she curled her fingers into the dusting of hair on his chest, loving these little things – the small intimacies which had been gone from her marriage for longer than she liked to admit.

She felt him begin to relax, his breathing settling into that steady state precluding sleep. His grip on her started to loosen and she tried to just live in this moment with him and push everything else away but it was increasingly hard, especially when he spoke again, just when she thought he was sleeping.

"I love you Emily." He sighed happily, his voice heavy.

"I know." She whispered back, turning her head into his chest and breathing in his scent.

When all she could hear was silence and the steadiness of his breathing she sat up a little and leant in close to him. "I love you too." She told him, placing a chaste kiss to his temple.

As she slid back down the bed she swore she saw his smile and it made this whole thing worth it...

* * *

><p><strong>Ooh how's it going to end? Guess you'll just have to wait and see. I know I promised to end this yesterday but I had a dinner to go to and ran out of time then I've been working on this all day so I am out of steam, the last chapter is going to be long but I think... it will surprise you. <strong>

**I hope that I didn't confuse you will the past present thing, I really wanted to change it up in this one and I hope that you understand why this kind of had to happen... it is M rated after all but I felt like it was a natural progression. **

**I hope that you enjoyed this one and will let me know what you thought. Your comments really do mean so much to me. **

**The next part should be ready tomorrow morning and this little diversionary fic will end, then I will get back to 'To Come Home'. **

**P.S: Hopefully I caught all the edits if not forgive me. **

**Thanks for reading, **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	11. Two Scarlet Letters

**Hello lovely people, **

**So I do believe that we have reached the end of this story... I'm actually quite sad about that because despite the fact that I was a little uncertain about this story, the reaction has been great and I really am thankful for your support – truly I am. This is for every single of one you who have taken the time to review. I hope that you like the way this ends and will let me know what you thought. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**Also the title of this chapter is taken from the novel which has really inspired this whole piece **_**The Scarlet Letter **_**by Nathaniel Hawthorne, so credit where it's due. **

**I hope you enjoy this one.**

* * *

><p>~ "<em>A woman's best love <em>_letters__ are always written to the man she is betraying.__"~ Lawrence Durrell_

She slipped out of the door, her red heels in hand and her passage silent. She halted in the doorway for only a second. Just one. This moment's pause was enough to cause a wavering in her determination. Only momentarily and only a slight quiver in her resolve, but it was still there. In some alternate universe perhaps she would admitted that this wasn't the way she wanted things to be. Perhaps she would have gotten back into bed, wrapped her arms around his sleeping form and lived out the fantasy with him. But her more rational side told her that a fantasy was all that this could ever be. She couldn't live here in this hotel suite pretending that nothing else mattered forever. She owed it to herself to stay true to what she believed in and despite her actions last night that had been and would always be, honesty.

That was why come first light when he woke she would be gone, leaving behind her only one marker, a single thing in this mess which proved to him that this hadn't all been a dream.

It was with great regret that she closed the door behind her, proceeding to the lobby with light steps and a heavy heart.

* * *

><p>The pinkish light which filtered into the room through the blinds which had not been rolled down the previous evening was the thing which woke him. He guessed from the purity of the light that it was a little after dawn, when the entire world was supposed to be sleeping on a Sunday morning - Everyone with the exception of a man who carried the heavy weight of despair in his heart. He knew that he would not be able to return to any sense of restful slumber but still he did not open his eyes. Perhaps it was foolish of him to believe so, but he laboured under the assumption that if he didn't open his eyes quite yet then this wouldn't be real.<p>

It seemed strange to him that this kind of light could even be possible so close to Christmas. He was so used to the dark throb of snow in the air at this time of year. He had become accustomed to waking up to inky blackness and returning through it to the beacon of light that was home come nightfall. This new and ethereal light, so sweet and pure in colour unsettled everything he thought he knew about the season and the steadiness with which it regulated his life. Of course, he knew the superstition and ordinarily dismissed it and all such other follies but today that one prophetic statement seemed to hold a strange sort of resonance for him. _"Red sky in the morning, Sheppard's warning." _

He didn't have to think for too long about the nature of said warning in his life right now and in fact he could not dismiss the portent it seemed to provide. A rising and overwhelming discomfort overtook him as the realisation hit him. The coolness beside him was indication enough of exactly the kind of warning the natural world was giving to him...

* * *

><p>Aaron's eyes flicked open as he woke with a start. He had been immersed in the deepest sleep he'd had in a while and it had only been the inexplicable feeling of dread which had awakened him from his dreams. These dreams had been of a reality wherein what had happened last night was only the beginning of the beautiful life they should always have been able to live together – a life free from guilt or pressure where their love really was enough. The dread he felt now that those dreams were suddenly retrospective was that he was once again alone.<p>

"Emily?" Her name was a question, though he needn't have asked it. The full bodied and overpowering silence which made its reply was answer enough.

He felt his face crumple in a show of the raw emotion he felt long before he would let his resolve cave in. He had promised himself last night when he had heard that clear tone of regret in her _"I love you too_", that he would prepare himself for this eventuality but somehow the cold, harsh reality that she had abandoned him felt much worse than he had imagined it would.

He sat up knowing that wallowing here would do him no good. It would lead to questioning his actions – devaluing their night together and giving way to doubts concerning what had eventually swayed her decision. Had it been that life with him simply wasn't what she wanted after all? Or was it that just had been the case twenty two years ago she couldn't stand the thought of hurting someone who was bound to become another casualty to their inability to act upon their feelings when they had had the chance?

He knew what the answer was most likely to be and he abhorred the knowledge that as a result of her decision to think of Stephen in this situation, she had necessarily sacrificed her own feelings. He hated to think that because he had never had the strength to do what he had asked her to do so thoughtlessly, only short hours ago, she would end up unhappy. Added to this regret was the sting of the knowledge that she had left him here. That he had been the one she had left behind. It was something that he had never expected. Had he really been so egotistical as to believe that he, Aaron Hotchner, the original perpetrator of this sin, possessed any of the qualities she looked for when she thought about building a relationship founded on longevity and trust? Yes. The question purported to have a complex answer but the truth was it came down to three simple letters.

In the end he had completely disregarded her feelings for the other man, had decided that he was equal to no one in her life in terms of her affections and now he was the one feeling the bittersweet pang he could only begin to imagine was something like the pain he had put her through. He wondered if his heart would ever heal and he understood that hers probably never had. In that moment he realised his own selfishness.

He swung himself out of bed and padded across to the bathroom. Once there he took the time to stare at his reflection. Who had he really been kidding? He had fooled himself into thinking that they could return to their former selves when the truth was, neither of them were. She had a new life and he... was a man changed by grief and by the cruelty they fought against every day...

He turned on the tap, letting the cold water run for a moment before splashing some onto his face. If only that were enough to rid him of his sins...

It was as he re-entered the suite and set about making the bed, pointlessly he knew but still, the action stopped him from crumbling, that he noticed the thing that he had failed to upon waking. Something which she had left behind, besides him... It wasn't big, it wasn't bold but it was however, monumental.

There on the bureau, where previously he had left her wedding ring, was a single sheet of paper; folded, neatly and with the hotel insignia facing upwards. He approached it with great caution as if it were a tangle of hissing snakes rather than the inanimate object it truly was.

His hand closed around it and although his eyes seemed to have lost their focus, he could still make out his name in her small cursive.

"_Aaron." _

He ran his fingers over the unfolded edge of the paper almost trying to glean a sense of her essence from it. How had she been feeling, what she had been thinking, whether she had wavered even for a second... these where all things that ran through his mind as he noticed the slightly bubbled nature of the paper he held in his hand, reminiscent of the effect one might associate with tears having been shed whilst she wrote it.

He drew in a deep breath as he flicked the paper open, not releasing it during the many times he read and re-read the contents. It was only when he realised that no sense of duplicity could be taken from the words on the page that he let it out again, a tear inadvertently rolling down his cheek as he did.

Three words. That was all. Three words to end it all.

Not "I love you."

Not "I'm so sorry."

Not "Let's start over."

Nothing which gave him any hope at all.

Three simple words. Three heartbreaking words. Three truthful words.

"_I can't lie." _

He crumpled the paper and dropped it into the waste-paper basket. No longer emotional. Just devoid.

* * *

><p>The yellow cab coasted along the shining roads at a speed which made her uncomfortable. Sure it was early morning and for the most of the journey they had been the sole travellers on this road but it was New York and she was well aware of the risks. In fact the '<em>feebie'<em> in her wanted to pull this guy over right now and bust his ass for breaking all kinds of road safety rules but then she remembered that she hadn't been with the Bureau for more than a year and so she sank back into the leather seat which in its years of service had probably seen thousands of women exactly like her.

She felt nothing. She should have. She wished she could. But she didn't. She wasn't sure why exactly she was so nonchalant. The last twenty four hours had not exactly been plain sailing. She felt like she had been catapulted through the entirety of her emotional spectrum in one night and now in the cold light of day she guessed this was the calm after the veritable storm. She was surprised however. She had expected to feel... something. Panic or regret or overwhelming pain... Tightness in her throat perhaps, or the sensation that she was trapped in an air-tight locker. But instead there was only this strange docility and the notion that whatever else she may come to feel when she reflected back on this experience in years to come, it was the right thing to do.

* * *

><p>Stephen Jones dressed as he would on any other Sunday morning in December, choosing for himself a casual button down over which he wore the forest green cable-knit sweater her mother had gifted him with last Christmas. If she had been here he imagined that she would have something to say about the outfit. He could hear the sarcastic comment in his mind so clearly that she might have been whispering it right into his ear, infecting his mind with her raucous sense of humour. The thing of it was however, she wasn't. Here that was. Neither had she whispered anything to him which only he was supposed to hear for the longest time. They now talked through their social functions saying everything and nothing amidst the loud din of their 'friends'...<p>

As he entered their ornate kitchen and turned on the percolator, the one with so many buttons and new fangled buttons and switches that they had joked that it was a miracle when they did manage to produce a drinkable cup of coffee from it, he wondered when she would be home. He did not like to consider the possibility that she may never do so. He was an optimist, that was the reason he had succeeded in his professional life and that was why he maintained the hope that they could overcome any distance which had been created between them recently.

He went to the window staring out onto the prospect of the front lawn which had so quickly become ornamental and feeling a surge of worry when he saw the swell of snow in the clouds overhead. He hated to think that she was out there in these conditions alone. As he looked down at her cell, which had been left on the breakfast island in her hurry to depart, he only hoped that she could find her way back.

The sound of gravel crunching on their driveway followed by the opening and closing of first a car door and then the front door as she ran for the money she hadn't taken with her last night, caused him to realise that he wouldn't have to worry about her homecoming for too much longer. Instead he would have to think about the million other things going on between them. It was then that he caught the first glimpse of his wife after the first night he had been separated from her in a year. She was a flurry of red and white – the fabric and her skin contrasting spectacularly. He was once again astounded by her beauty. It wasn't that he has stopped noticing, it was more that their physical relationship had been put on the backburner to the more 'philosophical aspects'. They had become less about the magnetic connection they had seemed to have initially and they were now more about what he thought of as 'newspaper conversation' – Him reading from the financial sections whilst she read excerpts from some high profile case or another with a sense of wistful longing. But now, seeing her like this, more than he had in a long time, he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and admit his part in creating the wedge that had been driven between them...

He watched her as she stood there waiting for the taxi to pull away and he had to wonder if she really wouldn't rather have still been in it as it drove away. It certainly seemed that way as she turned back towards the house. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but notice how ethereal she looked in the heavy light, her heels in hand and her dress and hair possessing that slightly rumpled dishevelment which gave her an almost wild quality and whatever anger he might have felt faded away. He was suddenly overcome by the need to hold her and to tell her that they could get through this...

* * *

><p>She closed the door behind herself and collapsed against it for a moment, trying to prepare herself for what had to happen next. She moved quietly, afraid that she might have woken him from his habitual Sunday morning lie-in but knowing in her heart that he wouldn't be sleeping on a day like today. She placed her heels down on the hardwood floor and checked her reflection in the mirror. She rolled her lip between her teeth as she saw what she knew he would see immediately. Sex was written all over her face.<p>

She sucked in a deep breath, flicking her eyes closed and then opening them again. When she did she found herself staring into the reflected eyes of her husband. They were silent for a moment as the truth settled around them.

"Hello." The greeting was not accusatory, was not malicious – it just seemed like he was pleased to see her. That broke her heart.

"Hey." She murmured, hating how good it felt when she felt his arms encircling her body and his lips press to her cheek.

"You came home." He sounded relieved.

"I'm sorry." Her head dropped and her arm reached up and wrapped around his neck.

"I know." He breathed, his hand running across the slight curve of her stomach.

"I love _you_, you know that right?"

"I know." He said again.

"Last night I..." He cut her off with a kiss, turning her head towards him and catching her lips with his.

"I know." He assured her.

"No wait I have to..."

"Emily look at me... look at me..." He told her, twisting them so that they were face to face. "I _know." _

"You..._know_?" She asked searching for clarification in his eyes.

"Yes... About... you..." he kissed her cheek "and me" a kiss to her eyebrow "and...How unhappy you've been." He caught her lips again.

"I know what you had to do to escape that... and I'm sorry you couldn't find a solution with me." He told her.

"You know that I..." She couldn't speak the words out loud.

"Had to find satisfaction somewhere else? With_ someone_ else?" The words were whispered as if he was embarrassed to admit them.

"Oh God, when you say it like that it sounds..." She knew how it sounded. Wrong. Unforgivable. Unjustifiable.

"Like I haven't been paying enough attention to what my wife was trying to tell me – what you need..." He told her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms comfortingly.

"No. This is not your fault; this has to do with me and a lot of stuff that was left unresolved in the past." She told him hating that he thought this was his fault.

"But it's resolved now? You came home to me..." He sounded desperately hopeful.

"I did...I thought... after last night... but..." She knew she wasn't making any sense.

"You're not here to stay are you?" He asked and he didn't even sound surprised.

"I wish..."

"Stop... Just tell me." He soothed not letting her go.

"I never wanted to hurt you Steve." She told him resignedly placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I know." It seemed to be his standard reply now.

"I don't want to feel the way that I do."

"But you do." He told her bluntly.

"I love you, you have to understand that." She told him, needing him to know that this much was true. If she had been outside of this conversation she would have picked up on the indicators by now – this was the mechanical goodbye she knew he didn't deserve.

"So why?" He asked her as if he were asking why she had chosen a particular dress – there was that slight tone of disapproval which was the only indication that he was not Ok with this. Apparently Stephen was good at _controlling his micro expressions_...

"Oh God... I never wanted for this to happen." She murmured, tears shining in her eyes.

"Look Emily, please just tell me the truth. I deserve that at least don't I?" He asked, rather sadly as if he really thought he meant that little to her. She supposed as she looked into his tortured eyes that this was exactly the impression she had given him by running away with another man last night. She had been foolish to think that he wouldn't know or that this would be in any way easy.

"No... You don't deserve this at all. You deserve all of my heart, you deserve my fidelity and my honesty and I couldn't give you any of those things." She hung her head again in shame.

He swallowed and stayed silent for a moment, seemingly absorbing this new blow. "We _were _happy weren't we? For a little while at least... I wasn't kidding myself was I?" A tear rolled down his cheek and seeing him this way only set her off.

"Oh Steve... You know we were. I love you, I do... It's just that last night, I realised something that I needed to accept... Sometimes _loving each other isn't enough._" She murmured repeating those words which Aaron had drummed into her over and over again – _"we have our love, isn't that enough?"_

Somewhere between those strange hours last night and the sobering car journey this morning she had realised that it wasn't. There had to be other things involved, things she wasn't even sure she could define. But faith and happiness played a big part in a relationship 'being enough' she knew that and she also knew that here in this marriage those were the two things which had been lost. They were the small pieces of the puzzle and without them they could never hope to be whole again.

"So he... uh... _Aaron_ made you realise that you don't love me enough?" He sounded confused as he tried to suck back his tears.

"No. That isn't what I said and that isn't what happened. Last night should never have happened. But it did and I can't take it back. What I'm saying to you now is that this isn't about love anymore. If it was I know we wouldn't be having this conversation, I wouldn't be stood here in last night's dress. We'd be upstairs in our bed and you'd be making love to me. But we're not, we're here and it's because try as we might to deny it, we both know there's something missing. It's only a little thing, the tiniest thing but it's there and it's not something that saying 'I love you' a hundred times a day will make better... Neither is it something which a baby can fix..." She told him and suddenly they were both silent, factoring in the third person in their lives made it all seem more real.

"What about the baby?" He asked quietly, not even bothering to fight her anymore. That was the thing with Emily, once she had made up her mind nothing he could say to her had the power to change her mind. It hurt him to admit but he knew that he had already lost her before he had even had the chance to fight for her...

"Listen to me Ok? This baby will always be ours. Yours and mine. We're always going to have this beautiful thing together and I will never cut you out of our child's life. You have my word." She promised ardently.

"I just don't have your heart anymore do I?" He asked and it was so resonant of what she had said to Aaron twenty two years ago that she felt a fresh bout of tears welling.

She didn't know what to say to that. Her heart contradicted the logic in her head. By its nature, the act of leaving him was demonstrative of the fact that he did not have ownership of her heart anymore but she felt like she was being torn into. She did love him. That had never been the issue. She just wasn't happy anymore.

"Isn't there anything I can do to make you stay?" He half begged.

"I wish there was but this isn't about you, you're perfect and I'm... not."

"Emily you..." She silenced his words with her fingers, pressing them gently to his lips.

"Don't say it. The perfect wife wouldn't have done this to you." She told him.

* * *

><p>They were silent again, a long lapsing silence in which she must have flitted between staying and going a thousand times. After a while he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her in rather more of friendly gesture than that of a lover. She rested her head on his shoulder for a moment and breathed in his scent, so comforting and steadying.<p>

When the right words failed her, she fell back onto the only thing that was always there – humour. "Nice sweater." She laughed a little and so did he.

"There she is, there's my..." he started but stopped when he saw her face.

He bit his lip to stop the words coming out and instead focused on holding onto her, this appeared to be the last chance he was going to get. "Where will you go?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know. I hadn't thought. Maybe... maybe I'll go home." She told him knowing that he would recognise her home as Virginia.

"Will you... Will you go home... to him?" He asked the words were strained.

"No." She was clear on that point.

"Do you love him Emily?" He simply seemed inquisitive.

"I did... once and I thought that I had stopped but..."

"_There's always something about the first?" _He asked, stroking her cheek.

"Something like that."

* * *

><p>"I'll do it." He told her, letting out a slow breath as they pulled apart.<p>

"Do what?" She was genuinely confused.

"What needs to be done so that we can stop being married." He said, not wanting to voice the words.

"No. You won't. You couldn't. I'm the one who caused this and I'll be the one to fix it. Maybe there's another way, my mother... she could help." Emily told him dismissing his chivalry.

"Or maybe we could start over?" He was hopeful.

"I wish we could but I don't want to trap you here in this marriage, I don't want you to be unhappy, coming home at the end of the day to a wife who loathes this life – I don't want it to get to the point where we're together for the sake of our child, I want us to leave it where it is now – both of us loving each other. You deserve better than me."

"I don't want anyone else. It's always been you." He told her.

"I know. That's what I love about you. You know you're a first for me. You're the first man who ever put _me_ first. I'll never forget that." She told him, her hand going to his cheek.

"You really aren't going to be with him?" He seemed to need that reassurance.

"Just because I'm not with you doesn't mean I'm going to run into his arms. The way I love you, it's very different to the way I love him. With you it's easy. I know exactly how to love you and I know that you'll let me. With him it's always been complicated and confusing and I was never his first choice... It was passionate and physical and you know what? I realised last night that as much as I might be drawn to him, those qualities are not what I need. I had to escape the toxicity of our relationship." She told him, the first honest thing she had said to him in a long time.

"But you also decided that you didn't need me?" He asked, the hurt clear in his voice.

"It isn't that I don't need you, it's not that I don't want you – it's that it hurts too much for me to stay knowing that we're making each other unhappy." She told him, hating that they were both in tears now.

"So you'll just_ go_?" He asked as if the idea was completely abhorrent to him.

"I think that would be better." She sobbed.

"What if I don't want to_ let_ you go?" He sounded like a child begging his mother not to leave him, this only made her cry harder.

"You have to. It's the only way I know that we can work." She told him and it was true. Stephen would always be important to her; he just couldn't be her husband anymore. She knew that was the problem. She loved him but not enough. Not in the way she should.

"I don't know how to say goodbye..." He told her honestly, at a loss for how to deal with this.

"We don't have to say goodbye forever." She told him, pulling him close and pressing her lips to his. "Just for now." She finished as she pulled away, slipping her rings from her finger.

"Don't take those off... they're yours." He told her, trying to push the rings back on.

"Honey I don't need things to remember you... I never did." She kissed him again, each time she did she felt a little more of her heart break. "Besides... I have this right?" She took his hand and placed it over her abdomen and for a moment they were reminded of the beautiful thing that they had created together.

"Yes... You do."

"I wish..." He started.

"I know." She murmured letting him go and heading for the stairs.

* * *

><p>She heard the front door close as she was folding the last of her sweaters into the suitcase she had been packing and she wondered where he had gone. She wondered if he was simply going to collect the Sunday morning papers as usual or whether he was using this as an excuse to help him deal with their impending separation.<p>

She zipped the case and wheeled it out of their bedroom, making sure that the rings were laid on his pillow. She took the stairs as quickly as she could with the heavy suitcase in hand, not stopping to realise that her whole life now – particularly since she had left behind most of the fancy trappings she had acquired – fit into that one bag.

She called for a taxi and paced up and down in front of the window until she saw it coming up the driveway. She looked at the clock noticing that it was little after ten thirty. He had been gone almost half an hour. She should wait for him. She knew she should but she believed that his absence was sending her a message... Her hand was on the door handle before she even realised what she was doing and her legs seemed to move of their own volition. Her hand brushed the little oak side table by the door on her way out and then she was gone, bundled into the taxi and on her way to... nowhere in particular...

* * *

><p>He stepped back through the door, his fingers ice cold even in his gloves. His nose was red and his eyes puffy. He knew he looked a state but frankly he felt that way right now. He looked towards the stairs, noticing how the light fell just so, illuminating the stairwell as if some deity resided at its top. For him that was what she was.<p>

"Emily?" He called to her after he realised that he couldn't hear her moving around upstairs.

Only silence answered him.

It was then that the twelve roses he had been to the florist to buy for her dropped to the floor, their heads crushing on the hard wood – a goodbye gift which was too late. She was gone...

He sank to the ground in defeat. She had been his for only a moment and then she was gone and he had never felt a loss as big as he did right now. Emily Prentiss would leave a hole in his life for years to come...

It was hours before he got up but when he did, he felt nothing but emptiness where his wife should have been... As he swept up the fallen rose petals his eyes fell to the little oak table by the door, the antique which had been given to them by one of her mother's foreign associates as a wedding gift. There on its polished surface laid an envelope with his name written in her small script. It took him a while to build the courage to open it but he knew he had to do it. When he did, he found himself overcome by her words...

* * *

><p><em>Dear Stephen, <em>

_I never thought I'd be writing a letter like this to you. I don't even know where to start. I loved you almost from the moment I met you. I never thought I'd end up with a banker, I always thought people in finance were boring... You know that's what I was thinking the first time I ever went on a date with you but by the end you showed me that you were funny and loving and kind. You proved me wrong in so many ways. You taught me that I didn't have to be second best, you taught me that it was Ok to give someone my heart again, you showed me that I didn't have to be afraid. _

_I don't know what to tell you to make this better; I don't know how to even begin. All I can say is that being married to you was an honour and a privilege, you're a gentleman and I'll always cherish the love that you gave me. _

_This is my fault. I don't ever want you to blame yourself. I guess this is a case of my past coming back to haunt me and until it's dealt with I think I'm better off by myself, that way no one else can get hurt. _

_I want to say thank you to you. For loving me so unconditionally and making me happier than I thought I could be, whilst it was short lived our love made me happier than anything else in this life. I also want to thank you for gifting me with our child. Being a mother has always been a dream of mine and I am so glad that I'm carrying your child. I know that as long as I have him or her in my life I could never forget you. You're always going to be important, I'm always going to care and I wish you nothing but the greatest happiness. _

_I don't think that there are words to express how sorry I am that this has happened. I never meant to hurt you. I guess I always thought that we had forever, but forever went away – was it silly of me to think that we were 'forever people'?. You gave me so much love that it's hard for me to explain why and when I realised that I had stopped being in love with you. I can think of a thousand reasons why leaving would be a mistake and I know that there's going to be a part of me that will regret this decision but there's a bigger part of me which knows that this the right thing for both of us. It might not feel that way right now and it'll take a long time for us to move on, but it really is better this way. Know only this – a part of my heart will always belong to you. _

_I've never been a great writer, I don't know if any of this helps or if I've just made things worse, but I couldn't leave without having written something. It seemed wrong to walk away from our relationship, our marriage without marking it in some way. There is nothing that I can say which could ever tell you how much our time together meant to me, so I'm going to stop writing now and say goodbye. It's hard but I know that we have done the right thing. _

_You're always going to my first – you know that right? The first man who ever loved me enough to put me first. For that, _

_I will love you forever, _

_Goodbye Stephen, I hope that someday you find it in your heart to love again because you have so much to give. _

_Love always, _

_Your Emily ~ xx~_

* * *

><p>The flight number flashed up on the screen, followed shortly by an announcement that flight V350 was now boarding. In that moment as she gathered her travel documents and purse, she felt a pain right in her heart and she knew then that he had read the letter. She considered turning back, going back, making up for her mistakes but then the final call was given and all illusions left her mind. She turned her back on New York and boarded the plane...<p>

**~The End~ **

**Or is it?**

* * *

><p><strong>So... <strong>

**What do you think? **

**Not what you were expecting?**

**I suppose the question is... **

**Is this really the end? **

**Or have I sneakily written another chapter? **

**Hmmm... I don't know. **

**You'll have to wait until I get back from uni later won't you? ;-) **

**I hope you liked what I did with chapter, this might have been unexpected but you know after toying with the lines of right and wrong throughout the whole story and only having my belief that adultery is on all levels wrong affirmed I decided that it was time that Emily did the right thing... **

**I also feel like I needed to cut Stephen some slack in this chapter hence the sympathetic portrayal of him... **

**Thank you for reading and reviewing it means so much to me and if you feel somewhat dissatisfied with this 'ending' then stayed tuned... **

**I think I caught all the edits... if not please forgive me. **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X **_


	12. Lady in Red

**Ok so I won't continue to be mean, here is the real ending a short little piece to make it all better again. If there's one thing that you should about me by now it's that I am a sucker for a happy ending. End of story. Nothing more to say. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed this piece and made it evolve from a little idea in a proper twelve chaptered story. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be marked in italics. Also the title of this chapter is taken by the song of the same name by Chris De Burgh, so credit where's due.**

* * *

><p>"<em>A girl in a red dress can do without introductions, but not without a body guard." Rona Jaffe. <em>

She swung her car into a space in the parking lot, not failing to notice with some irony that it was the space she had always considered to be hers. She killed the engine and pulled the key from the ignition, holding it tightly for a moment. The feel of the serrated edge as it dug into the soft skin of her palm, strangely comforting. After a while she jolted herself with some difficulty from her trance like state and pulled down the visor, staring into the small vanity mirror mounted upon it.

She smoothed down a stray tendril of her hair, now grown out and used the tip of her thumb to remove the faint trace of lip stain which had blotted in the corner of her mouth. She was nervous, not about the professional aspect of her presence here, although this was the first time she would be expected to prove her worth as a freelance profiler among people who knew her. She was more nervous about being back here and facing those demons she had managed to run from for a year. She drew in a nervous breath and held it for a few seconds as she got slowly out of her car, locked it and proceeded towards the entrance of the Bureau.

She got into the elevator hitting the button for the fifth floor. She smiled at and greeted an older agent whose name escaped her but who recognised her and headed towards the reception desk. She did not recognise the young agent behind the desk but after giving her name and credentials she received a gratifying "ah so _you're _Agent Prentiss_" _which left her smiling as she pinned on her visitor's pass and headed back towards the elevator preparing to make the ascent to the twelfth floor and a life which seemed now to have been long dead.

* * *

><p>"JJ I don't understand. Why does this case need the assistance of an outside agency?" She heard him say in his soothing quiet and yet unmistakably rattled voice as she stopped just around the corner from the entrance to the bull pen to listen.<p>

"Come on Hotch you know how sensitive these cases are, you know Strauss almost had a breakdown last time." The blonde told him, seemingly prepared for this fight.

"But we have Morgan and his experience..." He sounded petulant.

"Yes but this case isn't just about bomb disposal, these guys are a very realistic threat and we need someone whose speciality is understanding terrorist cells, this isn't one we can do alone." Her voice seemed to be receding as the two agents made their way into the bull pen and to the team.

"Well who is it? Surely I should have been informed about the type of agency we're bringing in on this – been introduced?" He asked, pulling rank on her.

"It's not an agency and the only reason Strauss didn't ask for your clearance is because she thought you wouldn't mind using the skill of an old friend." JJ told him with a small smile as over her shoulder she saw the woman in question.

"Which friend? He asked bluntly.

"Me." Emily whispered and she needed no further introduction.

* * *

><p>He turned towards her slowly as if the task was the greatest burden he could have suffered and when he did, she noticed how once again he had changed. His hair was slightly salt and peppered and his face seemed to be gaunter somehow that it had been the last time she had seen him. She wondered briefly if this further change had solely to do with her or whether there were other factors at play. He seemed lost for words and during his silence the rest of the team took their opportunity to reacquaint themselves with their friend.<p>

She returned their enthusiasm with gusto but she kept her eyes fixed on him throughout the barrage of hugs and kisses she received (mostly from Penelope) and she realised that to say he was less than thrilled was an understatement He was shooting her looks which had they the power, would have killed her.

She broke away from her friends stepping closer to him and noticing that he took an instinctive step back. She couldn't say she was surprised, she had expected this but the coldness in his eyes hurt the most.

"Hello Hotch." She used his surname to keep this professional for the time being.

He was silent as he studied her, taking in her newly grown out brunette hair and the fact that she wore that red wraparound dress which had famously got the men here talking. She looked more like her old self but there were subtle changes. Her usually flat abdomen bore a slight curve and he did not stop to consider what that meant. He didn't know what he had expected- that the baby she had been carrying a year ago would miraculously disappear perhaps? But the thought that she had become a mother in her time away and that he wasn't the father of the child nor had been a part of its life did not appeal to him.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing here?" He asked the question more vicious than he had intended it to be.<p>

The maliciousness of the question took her breath away and she couldn't seem to formulate an answer.

Instead JJ handled the question as she would if she had been in a press conference. "Come on Hotch, Emily's expertise lies in counter-terrorism we need her here... For the case." She told him, ready to defend her friend.

"Yeah isn't it great Hotch? The old team back together again?" Garcia practically squealed.

He paused sucking in the pain Garcia's excitement caused him before replying. "No actually. It isn't." He told them all callously, grimacing at the combined shock of Garcia's gasp and Emily's hurt expression.

"Hotch..." Rossi spoke in a tone of warning.

"I'm sorry but _I can't lie." _He told them, turning his back and heading for his office.

* * *

><p>She was stunned into motionless silence for a moment but then she snapped out it and powered towards him. "Hotch!" "Hotch!" She called after him a couple of times but when he failed to answer she resorted to taking this back to a more personal level.<p>

"Aaron... Please wait." She begged.

He spun towards her quickly and as she watched him standing there, his nostrils flaring and his breathing heavy she realised why when all was said and done, he had been the one she had still be pining for after leaving Stephen.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"After a year that's all you have to say?" He asked and she could tell that he was still angry over her abandonment.

"What do you want me to say? That I made the wrong decision? Maybe it was wrong for you – because you didn't expect to be the one left behind – but newsflash – being someone's secret sucks. It sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that but you only had to deal with it for one year. Try dealing with it for twenty two." She told him and she couldn't have cared less about the gasps she heard from the rest of the team.

"Three words Emily. That was all I was worth?" He asked, hurt.

"I didn't know what else to say and you know what Aaron – don't preach,_ her name_ was only one. If you had just been honest none of this would have happened." She told him, realising that that was what it boiled down to. The blow felt like a slap in the face but he recovered quickly.

"Honesty? I see... So what you just decided that we wouldn't work then went home to your husband to live your blissful life and raise your child?" He spat the question out.

"You know? I've said it before and I'll say it again – for a profiler you don't see so well." She told him raising her hand and showing him that she was no longer married.

"You're divorced?" He sounded surprised almost as if he had just accepted the fact that Stephen was the winner of this coveted prize.

"Yep, _I _took that step and you know? It was scary as Hell – coming back here with nowhere to live and no job and being pregnant but I did it because I realised that for once in my life I had to put myself first." She told him.

"You're not with Stephen anymore?" He asked again.

"That's what I just said wasn't it? I had to be brave the way you should have been." Her tone was sad and wistful.

* * *

><p>"What about the baby?" The question was whispered but it still elicited murmurings of shock from the others.<p>

"A little girl. Lily. Do you want to see a picture?" She asked going to her purse and reaching for her phone.

He nodded curtly as she passed him the phone and he was presented with pictures of a toddler with rosy cheeks and dark hair, a little girl who looked exactly like her mother.

"She's beautiful." He murmured and the others agreed.

"Where is she?" He asked softly.

"With my mother." She spoke quietly.

She tucked the phone away after the team had had sufficient time to fuss over her daughter's picture and she looked back at him with a half smile.

* * *

><p>"So how've you been?" He asked and she let out the tense breath she had been holding in.<p>

"Good. I've been good and you?" It seemed slightly forced but at least it was conversation.

"Reeling, lonely, ashamed, stressed... You name it, I've felt it."

She looked away then, feeling a slight prickling of tears.

"I am sorry, you understand that don't you?"

"I don't want to, but I know what it means to be sorry better than anybody." He told her keeping his voice low so that only she could hear.

"Thank you." She whispered.

* * *

><p>"So did you really come here just to work?" He asked with a wry smile.<p>

"Well I had hoped that we could try to reconcile. I hate being in this state and feeling like I have to avoid you." She told him admitting her true intentions. Of course when JJ had called her she had relished the opportunity to work with the best in the Bureau again, but she had also been interested in what she could gain personally from this experience.

"I still mean what I said back then Emily." He assured her and as she looked at him she felt the others fade into the background. It felt like it was only them. No one else seemed to matter.

"You know it's funny. It's been a year since I left Stephen and I thought I would still miss him, but soon after I left I realised that the loneliness I was feeling wasn't because I missed my husband... but rather because I missed you."

"Why has it taken you so long to tell me?"

"I was afraid if I came back with a baby in tow and laid my heart on the line again you wouldn't want me anymore, you wouldn't love me. I couldn't risk it again." She told him honestly, feeling like her soul was bared.

"Of course I do, whatever gave you the idea that I wouldn't?" He smiled, touching his hand to her face.

"I made the wrong choice." She told him ashamedly.

"Didn't we both?" He murmured his hand going to her waist.

"I don't want to make the wrong choice again." She whispered.

"So don't." He replied, his thumb brushing her lips as he disregarded the others in the room.

* * *

><p>"What if I told you the real reason I was here was because I realised something pretty important..."<p>

"What did you realise?" He sounded hopeful, he wondered if that was over optimistic.

She leant in close to him, her breath tickling at the shell of his ear. "I'm still in love with you Aaron."

"You are?" He asked a smile breaking out across his face.

"Mmm hmm." She murmured the sounded buzzing on his cheek as she hummed a kiss there.

"I'm still in love with you too." He told her, not hesitating but laughing self consciously. He pulled away and stared at her smiling face.

* * *

><p>After taking a moment's pause for thought he decided that he had to go for it. There wasn't going to be another opportunity like this one again. If he messed it up now he knew he would lose her for good.<p>

He grabbed her firmly, his hands splaying on her back as he pulled her close, their bodies melding into one. His hands slid into her hair and his lips touched hers tentatively at first. When he felt her respond he pressed his lips more firmly against hers silently begging for her to kiss him back. She did, returning his insistent caresses and using her hot tongue to probe his mouth, reacquainting herself with that familiar and endless cavern. He mumbled against her mouth a little and linked his arms around her lower back as he felt her leg entwine with his and her kisses become more feverish. It was as if this woman in red had literally become a part of him, they were inseparable and had been for twenty three years now and he knew that this was the only thing that made sense – being with her, exactly like this.

* * *

><p>She pulled away after an indefinable amount of time and rested her forehead against his. Although it was difficult to focus on her in this close proximity he could tell she was smiling, happy at last.<p>

"Listen Emily... you used three words before and now I have three new ones..." He told her, pausing for a moment to gauge her reaction.

"Oh?" She murmured restlessly, wanting nothing more than to get out here, go home and have his arms wrapped around her.

"Let's start over." He murmured.

She said nothing, instead choosing to respond with another fervent kiss. As her body pressed close to his and he held her tightly, he realised that although the road hadn't been easy and although it had taken a long time, their love had stood the test of time and they had finally found their happily ever after in the one place they had never expected it could be. With each other...

* * *

><p><strong>Ok so this really is the end. How's that for a happily ever after? I just couldn't do it, leave you hanging like that it didn't sit right with me that they weren't together but as I said I wanted them to do it right. Sorry it feels a little fluffier but I was in a good mood...<strong>

**I hope you liked it and will feel free to let me know what you thought, your reviews have been the inspiration for this piece and I really appreciate each and every single one of them. **

**Thank you so, so much for reading it means the world to me. **

**Hopefully I caught all the edits if not forgive me. **

**Look out for an update on **_**To Come Home **_**soon, I promise**_** I'll**_** be faithful to it from now on ;-)**

**Love you all **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


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